Hash Trash: Erection Results for Apr 2nd, 2011
Held at the Used Beer Cunt Compound

So the erection results are as follows: a white sticky mess, a sense of shame, and awkward morning-after stranger conversation.
Oh, wait! The hash erections! Include an STD in there somewhere.

When I arrived, only Cobb, Ackbar, 5 Dollar, Red Rocket, and the Used Battered Cunt family were there. Before long, Ballsy arrived (leading Elmer by the weener), followed by Wakes Me (Leading himself by the weener), and not too long after, Bi Da Numbers and Porta Fascist came with lots of meat for the grill.
After a few beers and some shit talk, here are the long-awaited results:

GM: King Porta
RA: King Porta the Fascist, with the caveat that he is planning on training up 3 or 4 people to fuck up circles.
Beer Meister: E=MC^2's twin, Used Rubber. Well, the whole clan, I guess, is going to be doing this together, but if they fuck it up, it's all Used Rubber's fault. Or Porta's.
Beer Bitch Selectomatic: Beer Battered
Hash Master: E=MC^2. 
Song Meister: Cobb/Nobb Gobbler in a surprise nomination. Be ready... he has plans.I always knew he was an evil genius. 
Hash Harlot: Pink Slit. We also instituted a new rule that all hash welcoming must be in the form of boob checks.
Web Meister: Wakes Me once again gets the job of completely fucking up the web site. Hoser will be backing him up (or, in other words, doing all the work).
Habadasher: Puffy will be taking over for Bi Da Numbers.
On Sec: Bi Da Numbers will be keeping this position, and I have volunteered to be backup On Sec in case she can't be at an event.
Hash Flash: Bi Da Numbers. There will be lots of flashing. Does this mean she gets two votes?

Hmm... what am I missing? Oh, right!

TR and I will be splitting Hash Scribe duties. I'm not sure what we'll do when we're both at the hash... mud wrestle for the duty or something. Hopefully, between her not being Hash Master and only having to do half the Hash Trashes, maybe we'll be able to get a hash trash up within 3 months of an event.

And remember: if you weren't there to vote, you don't get to bitch about the job we're doing. And if y
ou do, Beer Battered will make you Beer Bitch.








Hash Trash


JAN 2011

Yes, even the El Paso Hash House Harriers has happy endings! No! We’re not retiring or entering a 28-day program—we’re starting a new Frisky Year!! Pretty soon, we’ll be having our anal erections and a new set of irritated management will make your life miserable. Starting with TEX MEX 11—a crotch shot of what awaits us again. 

Hell let me start by recapping TEX MEX, no? Geez….where do I start? Now, my version of Tex Mex 11 may appear  watered down...I mean, I wasn’t there for the entire debauchery but I must say that I would never ever ever ever have imagined that Hacker Wacker would allow Fur Burger to……………….……………….(TOOOO SOON TOOOO SOOONN). I’ll wait a couple of inches before I let loose. Besides, I usually write about shit a month later but hey, my hips are STILL aching, my toenails are gone and I have a sudden urge to perch on top of the Franklin Mountains.  The weekend started on Thursday for the TEX MEX Pre Lube Hash. Puss and Boots was our honored hare for the 1st night of hashing. We met up at—you guessed it—the Mesa Inn. The famous place that has somehow passed Life Safety Code, Department of Health and CDC inspections  - continues to be the site for our TEX MEX events. For over 10 years, EPH3 has brought you 5 days of hashing, haring, hymen removal, herpes and “hore-ing” for El Pasoans and out- of-towners alike. I arrived just in time for the Thursday night trail—just missing PNB as he headed on Mesa.

As a seasoned FRB (pfft) I was in good company as I headed out—zigging and zagging up toward Kern place, then down the wrong street with Motor Mouth (AKA ‘It don’t MATTER if you got the ENERGY’ - wait for it, wait for it –BAMMM), only to learn that “B” was up the hill.  We made it and rejoiced for our Down Downs where Hoser for once, enjoyed his duties as RA!!! Pony was ready with the yellow bus. We  head-ed back to the Mesa Inn for the 2nd half of the circle and for our first Peep Show—yup—the beer was still cold when the gang spotted BJ Mountains and Pole humping in the Yellow bus...ewwwww.  Really?? Sex on a bus—that's NEW? Beer Battered, hand in pocket, spoke of his previous encounter with the humping duo while other harriettes yelled out to be “tagged in.”  I got one word: BLEACH.  Canadian Wetback’s virgin pretended to be bothered by the event, but I KNOW he was secretly spank banking for future reference.

Friday began with a 10 am shitty trail—being one of three that holds a steady job, I couldn’t attend. Fast forward to Tex Mex Registration where Ms. Slutty, Bi Da Numbers and Pinky were busy registering the peeps.  We knew that we’d get our share of Free-jolero-loaders—hell all we had to do was check off last year’s list and spit in their food.  Friday night’s theme was ELVIS all the way! Our out of town hashers sported their Elv-I outfits—but I must say that the BIG HEAD-ED ELVIS really took the show!  The debauchery continued on Saturday with both a Juarez and Texas trail. The Goo team kept the pussies in El Paso while a few vigilantes went over to Juarez, Mx. Too bad Teacher didn’t make that one, huh? NOOOO he’d have to pay the 25 cents to cross over!!! CODO!!   Later that night it was Vegas all the way with DJ Hung Daddy working the music...PR and I readied the place better than the prom committee at la Bowie High School.  EMC-2 and Used Rubber wore the hottest pieces of yarn available to the peripheral eye. “Can you see my ass?” “I can see your freaking liver sista!”  Our honored guest, Dr. Wang left with a pussy smelling crotch, 20 shades of cheap lipstick on his face and memories to remind him how much he is loved and missed! By the way, now we know why the famous vaguebooking Toyz for Twatz was performing her version of Showgirls—she’s tying the knot soon and wanted to get one more lap dance in. Sorry lesbians and gentlemen, you didn’t have a shot before, you sure ain’t got one now...pfft! How much you wanna bet she’ won’t be bringing “that one” to the hash???

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Butt Scrabble and Assholes! No pun intended—but can you say, CABRON! I’m still experiences symptoms of Post Traumatic Hash Disorder Pinche Porta. The epic Asshole Trail lived up to its name and so did the post trail activities. PR (Ms. 8% Body Fat) was FRB and well, we lost Roll On again.  Tex Mex 11 was a suck-cess and marked the start of another EPH3 year. There are many people I’d like to thank—THANK YOU—including out of town hasher C.P.S. who 1) got laid 2) introduced us to apple pies and 3) helped me with Butt Scrabble.  The list goes on and you will soon be recognized for all your hard work AND year round boob checks! Oh, wait, what about Fur Burger and Thighs? I saw her nipples. Yes ladies and gentlemen—she laid on the table while another hasher covered her nipples with whip cream. Both he and her husband then licked the whipped cream off her chest. TOO SOON TOOO SOON!!!!  Can’t do that to my sista! I’ll let you all figure it out! All I have to say is DANG—you got it going on comadre!!!  Until next year... ON ON to TEX MEX 2012


From Between the Legs…

EPH3 has grown in more ways than one. We have acquired new friends  disregarded dick heads and said good bye to others. We’ve gotten closer and because of Dr. Wang—we are learning that life is precious, even when you’re sober. I am honored to be part of such a great kennel— family—support group. We are not perfect but we are perfect for each other. I’ve had fun writing your Hash Trash even when Wakes Me tried to censor me because I picked on a particular hasher. I hope I only offended you enough to wanna cum back for more because that’s what it’s all about. We are the El Paso Hash House Harriers. We spit, we swallow. We complain, we make up. We punch, we forgive. BUT we will always welcome you. Thanks to our GM– Porta John and our grumpy RA—Hoser for a great year. I’ll be running for Hash Scribe this year. I might even put out every week….But if I don’t win, then fuck you...I'll still love you. SIN FIN. twat.e.cumming.again.




EPH3 Hash Trash #1562

December 19


Hasher (46,XX/47,XX,+21) Trail


Only in El Paso...do you:

1.   Find children playing in a ditch near a railroad track

2.   Find a brand new scarf on trail

3.   Find that Barney’s left testicle needs additional support

DUI and Wakes Me laid a shitty trail for us a couple of Sundays ago [Cock was in town and this hash trash is late, ok?] and what a trail it was. Long ass stretches...but with plenty of beer checks. The peeps met up on El Paso’s middle East off Alameda near my Chola Hash location -orale cabrones!!! Wait, how the hell do two cockasians lay trail in the barrio? VERY CAREFULLY.  Of course, for those of you that don’t know, Wakes Me has a little bit of experience with the locals, ya tu sabes? Being that he hires many of us clean to his pool and house and has purchased Rosetta E-stone for dummies to help him learn Spanish. Hoe dawn now, let’s END our holidays with little jingle I wrote celebrating EPH3’s A.D.A. compliance to our hash community and Corky the Retard—(Sang to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)

Corky ,the Retard Hasher

Had a shiny whisky nose.

And if you ever saw him

You would hear him say RE–RO

All of the other hashers

Used to laugh and call him names

Then one Sunday Hashy night

Porta came to say:

“Corky with your crooked walk,

Won’t you come and lay tonight?”

Now all the BJs want him

As we shouted out Fuck Thee!

Corky the Retard Hasher,

You’ll go down down down down in history!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know beauty AND brains. So anywayz, it was a perfect day for hashing—I finally got Heineken to cough up his last loogie so we can get out and hash. Elmer and Ballsy, having just come back from Hawaii, sported their malignant-ish-tans while the rest of us-under achievers who think vacationing in Ascarate is the bomb—welcomed them back. Barney was also in “TOE” and exclaimed that he’d never lay again. Ah no? Retired hasher? More like married hasher! Hares out!!  While Porta was out socializing and taunting the wanna be FRBs, Mr. mom, 2much4me took it upon himself to start the Chalk Talk. Thankfully, Pussy Rican was there -ready to intervene. “Hey, hey hey! Porta does that.” “Yeah, but he’s not here.” “And? You don’t even have your EPH3 wings yet, shit you haven’t even laid trail with us...WTF, ese?” 2much4me, knowing that he had no chance against a women whose legs are taller than his entire body, backed off to his fetal position.

Finally we started our trek. Salty’s ‘lil’ bitch pooped the entire hash, by the way. We made our way to Alameda down to the railroad tracks to our first beer check, near children and heroin needles. A railroad employee checked us to make sure Beer Battered wasn’t throwing anyone under the train. Off we went up to North Loop. The pack managed to stay together except for Moose who I didn’t see again until the end. Porta zoomed across the street, totally ignoring the beer check. From afar, I could see the Canadian kid, PR, and Ditch Sucker behind us. We met up on Dale street where we hit up another beer check! Or maybe it was earlier?? Anyway, we did and we drank.  We caught with CDG, Used Rubber, EMC, Ballsy. Heineken, in full infection and cough, sucked it up and kept going. He was more concerned with Corky anyway—who was skipping down Dale to the cheers of neighbors - “C’mon son, you can do it!”  Like a special Olympian, he kept on hashing alongside EMC2 and Rubber.

We finally arrived at the Carolina overpass and hit 3 feet arrows that led us to B!  Like responsible drinking adults, the hares set up B near active railroad tracks! Almost immediately, the railroad guardian parked his vehicle near our B—I’m guessing so Beer Battered wouldn’t try to tie his sister to the tracks. Circle UP! We had a lot of namings to do too! Wakes Me ran the circle and in true Wang fashion, managed to keep us all together. Ass Furr and her lil sister arrived late—but Moose and his caravan were the true DFLs! Pope chatted the entire circle (of course).  Oh oh oh and while in the circle, Bi Da Numbers whined that there were not enough trails on the Westside! I remember whining to Porta one day about not having trails on the Eastside to which he responded: “You want a trail on a particular side? LAY IT THEN! Yeah? Talk to you senora then! LOL A security officer stopped by to move our circle away from the tracks and under the overpass. The namings continued for three EPH3 peeps. I don’t remember what we named them but I hope they come back. Until then, remember to give to the Special Olympics, keep Wang in your thoughts and lay trail on the Eastside!!

ON ON Cabrones!! Sin Fin.  




What a beautiful day for a hash!! Let’s start this trash on a positive note. The “romper room” hash was led by our accented aficionado Hacker Wacker whose notorious 6-mile trails are a delight to all hashers including Hoser. We met up at Tinseltown to prepare for your 6 hour trek. So, I’m following Hacker around so I can get my gear in the B truck and what do I hear? A HashMAS song of course!!!

Said the parking lot to the MexiHare

Do you see what I see
Way down there by B truck MexiHare
Do you see what I see
A grouch, a grouch
Bitching at the start
With a mouth as big as my ass
With a mouth as big as my ass

Said the MexiHare to the Rotting Twat
Do you hear what I hear
Piercing through the sky Rotting Twat
Do you hear what I hear
Da Hoser, Da Hoser
Leaning over me
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Said the Rotting Twat to the mighty Porta
Do you know what I know

Do you know what I know
In your Hash mighty Porta

An Old man, An Old man
Shivers without “B”
Let us bring him beer and sum chalk

Let us bring him beer and sum chalk

Our Hoser sounded like Miley Sirus after a Salvia hit..*(**(&*(&*(^&*^*(&U)(*^&*YHHIHOU*^ Where’s B??? “How can you have a hash without a walker’s trail? I’m gonna get there AFTER everyone and the circle won’t get started!” Hacker held his own and stuck a Twix bar in his mouth! Man, there were a lot of new hashers—at least for me since I’ve been MIA a couple of times. Looked like a Benetton ad for sure...we just needed 4 Asian boys, 3 Haitians girls, 2 Bosnian drag queens, and a partridge in a pear treeeeeeee!  Was it me or was there was a lot of recruiting going on at our hash—Shit, isn’t there one more week of high school left? C’mon—poor 2 Much 4 Me  was out there like a “Hare” Krishna passing out carnations  and invites to the BJ hash. [Did you all catch that one?] “Cmon Moose, lower their quota, it’s XMAS for hash sake!!!!!!  Hares out!! We knew that this trail had mileage written all over it. Porta completed his chalk talk and then turned his attention SOUTH. He  was probably plotting his evil plan to take a couple of us on a 6-mile YBF, leave us there and then make fun of us at B. After our allotted 3 minutes, we set off on our journey and made our way towards the Lowe’s parking lot. At a check in, PR and I veered right after spotting an arrow—and BAM! who do we see coming out of Dress Barn? Ms. Sushi Taco! Wait, wasn’t she at A ready to hash, and now she’s picking out  sexy lingerie? WTF? “Here’s an arrow,” she told PR and I in her sexy voice—”Aren’t ya coming with us, Sushi?” No, CRAPS is waiting for me in the alley.” She put on her Kardashian sun glasses and walked away…’pffft’  you go girl!!  Go get some crabs! 

We continued towards I-10 and hit trail again. Down  we went under the overpass, south of Zaragoza. Hey, this isn’t too hard! I kept going down Zaragoza, hoping to parallel the rest of the pack. Behind me was Puffy, String, preUmpa and I DUI. I was feeling it—figured if I could still see PW and PR, I was ‘aright. I decided to head over towards PR and Porta—figuring that if Porta is still around other hashers, he doesn't want to wander off to much. Not. I’m sure by then the rest of the pack had probably found trail while we continued on the canals.  *Crodile Hunter voice* Deep in the canals, I felt a sensation between my legs...what could that be? An infection? No. I’ve heard of oversized cocks, erect and preying on innocent hashers..but here? Now? Luckily PR  went on unnoticed but I, helpless, was pulled towards COCK SHOCK the gargantuan cock! Yes, fellow hashers, we found a 6ft statute of a cock. ONLY IN EL QUESO, eh? After a couple of photo ops, we headed towards Pendale, the last place we saw Porta. Not that we needed him or anything… PffffftShit you know. PR immediately coordinated the effort for our safe return to A.  Ha! Puffy and String were hashing on one lung. See Puffy, this is what happens when one indulges in a 10000 calorie-carbobreakfast. We decided to back track our asses back to Zaragoza near the police station.

By the grace of the chalk gods, we DID find trail. NO WAIT, we found gynormous markings. First the big cock, and now 3ft arrows? PR insisted (cuz she’s like really really smart) that we were probably sucked into a worm whole—ending up on a bizzaro-like Easter Island. So we followed the 3ft arrows that lead across the park into the canal and to the empty beer check. BITCH!!!  Too bad the beer check wasn’t BIG!!!  We knew we had to get to B soon because the damn sun was coming down and so was the temperature. We caught up with Hoser, Fur Burger, Bi Da Numbers, Shiggless and babyGoo. BDN had received intel on B’s location. Hoser? Beside himself, pronating his way up Zaragoza. PR and I shot up to Famous Daves where we finally found the B crater! Whew!!! 2 Much 4 Me, the Hare Krispy Krishna was DFL– Having finally been given visitation rights he stumbled in with two rug rats in tow.  Circle UP!!!  Hoser kept the circle going and PW sang new songs!  We named Just what’s his name to Humpa Lumpa—cuz he humps anything. He insists, however, that he is NOT part of the GOO CREW. Yeah, right. Dogs mated, the crew drank and all was well. In these holidays, please keep Wang in your hearts and visits and remember, he who swings with COCKS, swings with um ..ummm COCKS! ON ON



November 28, 2010

WTF? Let’s just start with that...so, a lot has happened since I was last here—our Dr. Wang is currently in the hospital having been struck with a massive stroke. That put our hash in a DOWN DOWN mood for the past couple of weeks. But alas, the hash has responded with tons of support, visits, prayers, boob checks, package checks, massages—anything to help Dr. Wang’s recovery!! EPH3 is grateful—as he will need our support now and for a very long time!

Now back to our regularly scheduled trashing— WTF happened here? You know, I might as well rename the hash trash to “IT’S TOO EASY, IT AIN’ T FUN” regarding OscarNSW’s relentless quest to becoming the hash bitch to some fellow hashers. Now, now, I know WILL HASH the tree hugging alterED ego is gonna get me on this one cuz I’m a hater and I like my chalk a certain color and I don't play well with others…SO??? OH Shit, that’s our RA!!! HA HA, I mean did you see  Hoser cut Clucker Fucker a  new one?? Pobrecito his hair turned black. Anywayz these are the perks of the job– NO filters and straight up 10% truth. More on Oscar later... So I’m back having been gone to fulfill my motherly and wifey duties! Man, it was great seeing everyone this windy day on Arrakis! (CDG, PR and CV will get this one) So much for PRELAYing eh??

We met up on San Marcial at the La Bowie Fine Arts building where our hares, Puss-N-Boots set up “chop;” I could see Beer Battered from across the street jumping over his fence— “Where are your sisters?” I yelled out. “EMC is sewing 5 dresses and Used Rubber is baking  like 20 cakes, cuz like there’s virgins!”  Hoser soon arrived and so did the first hardcores, including the lovely Ms. Pinky. After we were told that Hoser’s truck was not the B truck even though there was beer IN THE TRUCK, Puss and the RA took off to drop off beer checks—leaving poor Beer Battered alone. Pinky  tried everything to get him to tell us where “B” was—even offered him a full boob check. “Cmon, Beerly– ya never seen any like mine—or at least outside a TV screen.”  Beer Battered with balls in hand, didn’t budge. We figured two things: 1) His own co-hare didn’t bother to tell him where B was and 2)  he’s gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it). Hares out LATE.  Hoser claimed that the Puss got lost on his way to drop off the beer checks? Huh? RIGHTTTT.  He probably pulled over to scold Puss for NOT laying his onback correctly. Why bother, we were gonna follow Hoser anyway!  Go Hoser Go Hoser Go Kendra Go Kendra!.  Finally we started the hash and headed across Paisano up San Marcial - Porta the wrong way and the rest behind Hoser. See, I told you!  But in true Hoser fashion, he  pretended to follow trail ..leading us to false trails. HA! Where’s Barney the buffer when we need him….I WANT SOME WINE 

Puffy stayed with Hoser like stench on a bad clam..pffft.  The fact that he called in sick was nothing compared to hearing Hoser’s ongoing rants— probably had to do with a “manda”  he’d promise to pay [look it up, it’s a Mexican thing]. I decided to stop walking with the slow pack and head out to find my own trail. Teacher hauled ass too and so did Cabby Boy (jeans and blackened lung) toward Poplar street and then to Texas Ave. I think. Heineken and I met up with Porta who was out Zenning and securing a 15 mile perimeter while the rest of the pack paralleled the street we were on. 

I kept running into Pimp My Bride—who decided to bring her sthignifcant other. Yeah, the guy’s a sthweetheart, huh? Wait for it, wait for it….ahhh you got it now!!! Ass Furr who I kindly renamed Peach Fuzz (I know, I didn’t even look at her vajayjay back in the day when ONSW was in full blown denial!) is pretty good at finding trail too. I like her now. After crossing Texas Ave on our way to the railroad track, the pack signaled the location of one of the beer checks. PW, Porta, Hacker and Teacher kept on hashing by—WHY? Cuz they were out to catch them sum Puss Ass. By the 4th mile and having “missed” the beer check, Heineken started asking for beer. “Hey, you already drank water at home, suck it up.”  Besides, the sun was about to set and I predicted we still had another 5 miles to go.

We caught up with PW, Teacher and Porta as we crossed 1-10. Russian Scratch or something joined the small FRB pack too. Up Yandell, Works the Pole also joined us when all of a sudden—Teacher signals that he’s spotted the hares. Porta goes into complete stealth—kinda like when he’s drunk and BDN locks him out of house so he pretends he’s tree branch because the neighbors are looking...yeah, like that. SHHHHHHHH...as he tip- ran his ass toward Puss and Beer. BY THE WAY—you should have seen the hares—walking hand in hand—skipping like two rainbow-loving men without a worry in the world!!!  POWWWW—SNARED—all we heard was Puss’  120-decibel–on-the-Bitch-scale scream.  Wang would be so proud!! After a couple of photo ops, we continued up for another damn mile. I don’t know how the hell Pole got up there as FRB, but we all eventually hit B!! The rest of the pack trickled in and so did Brutus (now Marma Do Me) and his pal Mini Pad.

CIRCLE UP! The hash braved the cold and spent half the time avoiding Marmadome’s butthumping attacks. Heineken became prey and EMC2 served up perfectly measured down downs!  BJMount—blessed us with her anal sexventures with Pole. EWWWW. Can you say, filter? I always look towards the young - like Puffy—to measure my old lady reaction—but when HE said  ewww, I knew I was far from becoming a guest on Hoarders. But to her defense, I like her. And standing there like a poster boy for an ANTI-Bully Campaign was Oscar N So Wild—sparking up a pipe and wearing an “over the chest” computer bag. I felt like Al Pacino in Godfather 3—”Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”  Needless to say, PW renamed him Sherlock Homo!  RA kept the circle going while some of us misbehaved. The trail was well laid and Beer Battered got his rainbow wings...at the end, that’s all that matters. Until next time, keep your peepee out of butts and  Dr. Wang in your prayers ON ON Twat Rott

TEX MEX 2011


Want more drama for your mama? Or sleep with bed bugs? Wanna meet new hashers from around the country or put your relationship in jeopardy? WELL then sign up for the EPH3 11th Anal Tex Mex! Go to elpasohash.com for more information. Let’s see how many awkward moments we count this year! ON ON to Asshole trails and beer!!


EPH3 TRASH Nov 14th 2010 - "The NATGEO Hash"

Da Freaking Wilderness Run!!!

I thought I'd left going out in the sticks when I retired from the Corps some years back...apparently...we on occasion at EPH3 crave "A" wilderness Hash...Go figure huh?....I guess I should say we are in fact surrounded by desert, and some moe-hill mountains.  National Geographic would've been proud of us...."Nah-Nah-Nah-nah nah nah" starts the opening theme song for NatGeo.  The opening shot...two whales boffing in the Ocean, Doh!! Wait a minute...we're not even close to an Ocean... Now Cobb Knobler, Anal Ahkbar, and the thoid Hare...of which his name escapes me, accompanied by their trusty groupie, Da Luscious "Pink Slit", had decided that tracking thru Pungi Laden Trails, all kinds of foliage with deadly stickers - Cactus, Spanish Daggers, Ankle Crumbling Disabling  Rocks, an occasional Dog Pooo from our Hasher Pups, and arroyos where you can't see the bottom would lend to a nice Sunday afternoon jaunt..... Point "A" was located out at the Edge of North Hills, hence NorthEast El Paso...Surely, the edge of civilization...at an old abandoned Dam???? Huh? Nevermind...I suspect it was a given we were going to lose some Hashers out there...never to be found again...Who would've thought it was "Bi-da-Numbers"....Porta John paid for that one...It's all Porta's fault.  I must say that I was concerned when I trotted in to the "B" and there were some old dead carcasses laying on the "B" circle ---- No, no, no...I'm talking about the real thang...Wakes Me...is besides the point...
Before, I used to make mention of who was there...well these days....I should say who wasn't there...I can't keep up! We've grown a tid-bit...It's all whipper-snappers at that...
Okay...I was going to trudge on, and on...and discuss issues...but I was forewarned...that writing the Hash Trash is suppose to be a kind and gentle venture...and that I must refrain from causing hate & discontent...
Like for example...."Fuck You Pussy Whipted for Busting my Balls"...and that I can't write stuff like that..
Slutty said to me...."Now Bah-Knee you be a good boy" and just write nice thangs...Sooooo, I'll just move on to the facts... The FRB was Hacker Wacker, the DFL and Principal Violator was "No Strings Attached"...accompanied by the Goo Crew... The weekly Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hash Shit Award was again bestowed on Hacker Wacker....for skipping two beers checks on his way to Claim the FRB Kudos
Whiner..."Ba-Da-Numbers"....for getting lost and after receiving direction couldn't figure out which way is West & North even while the compass points in that direction...and held by her hand toward that Direction..
Mua, Me, Yo, Da GropeMeister again...hung out with Hoser...Yep that's right...we had our dicks hanging out the whole trail....cause for some reason...Hoser has this uncanny ability to guess "Zen" where trail is going to lead..Of course a little "Intel" work before the Hash always helps 2....
Well....that's it folk....Bah-Knee trying to be nice, and not offending any Hasher's out there...Hmmmm? This obviously lead to a short Trash venture..
On-On...until never again, hopefully....TR where the Hell are you..???
Groping Bah-Knee


EPH3 Presents

Hotter Than Hell Hash Part Deux

HASH TRASH #1534 and 1535


Saturday’s events began with the 30 Pack Marathon. While not actually an El Paso Hash House Harriers event, plenty of EPH3’ers were present, so it’s worth mentioning. Beer Baddered put up a strong showing at the beginning, but fell out somewhere around the 15 lap mark.  It was a great start to a great weekend, and it was good to see so many EP Hashers showing support. So, sweaty, smelly, and half-buzzed, I headed home to grab my Hash gear to start the weekend. I stuck my head in the shower and pulled on my Free Beer shirt, Tooth Faerie bandana, camo shorts and running shoes and headed for Point A. Where there were about 4 people. What the hell? Porta, Bi the Numbers, Just Alex and Puss in Boots are all here. Where the hell is everybody? Pussy Whipt shows up (along with a few others) and says everybody else parked around the corner. No sooner had this processed than the Pony Express shows up with a bus full of rowdy, ready-to-drink Hashers. Hugs and handshakes (and, of course, some shit-talking and ass-slappings) were shared all around. 

            HARES OUT. The trail was, for lack of a better word, shitty. It was fairly straightforward until it hit Wal-Mart. Puss in Boots, Just Alex, and myself went in, and completely missed the right turn arrow just inside the door; it was in a high-traffic area, and it had been rubbed off. Of course, the hurt muscle in my left leg picks TODAY to freak out on me. I can’t really run at this point, so I opt to hobble quickly and dread wearing the dick necklace the next morning. I catch up with Just Alex and manage to semi-jog along with him until we catch the pack, running on the opposite side of Mesa toward I-10. We were just about to go under the overpass when the pack shoots north along the interstate. SONUVA! We cross as fast as we can (what’s with all these ‘car’ things that keep getting in the way?) and find the pack stopped. What’s up? Oh, they snared the Hare. A word of advice, Wakes Me: Don’t double the trail back on itself 50 yards away within full view of the hounds. At least you still have your dignity… er… pants. We lose trail, find it again, lose it again, and follow it through some of the sharpest, scratchiest, meanest shiggy we’ve seen in weeks (or I have- I had one of those ‘job’ things everybody’s raving about and missed a few trails… I still don’t see the allure). There was a neat spot that went up a concrete rain wash with a rope to assist with the climb, but Puff The Magic Drag Queen and Company all said “Fuck that rope! We’re climbing the hill!”  After a long run of poorly (or, should we say ‘not at all’) marked trail, we found point B down a hill by a rainwater creek behind a new development.  I don’t know how they found it, but it was a great spot for point B. 

CIRCLE UP! This was one rowdy circle. Me and Beer Baddered almost had to do the ‘out of control’ dance about 5 times- there was one particular moment where he was pulling off his hat and I was looking for someone to hold my beer, but it passed before we could make fools of ourselves. Ditch Sucker was FRB, and snared the hare (I found out later that Wakes Me was snared 3 times, but Works the Pole was able to ninja his way out of trouble a time or two and managed to avoid a Virgin Snaring). DFL changed about a dozen times. Cuntstallation got the Hash Shit for calling Sir Licks-A-Lot ugly. Although, really, one wouldn’t exactly call him a handsome dog. Just sayin’. Oh, what, now I’m gonna get the Hash Shit next time Wakes Me hares? Bring it on, sucka. [Hey Wakes Me, this one is too easy - Twat Rott]

The party was AWESOME. People showed up who weren’t even on trail for whatever reason. We even saw Mary KY for the first time in weeks. A few people were worried about finding Wakes Me and PR’s place, but while driving down their street, they saw that GIANT FUCKING SCHOOL BUS parked in their driveway; just Pony’s subtle way of saying “The party is at this house, idiots!” Much of the party I don’t remember, as there was just a little bit of alcohol consumption that night. The food was excellent, the band was great (and they might even join us for a trail or two!), and some people even started playing naked pool volleyball. The highlight of the evening was, of course, Doktor Wang’s onesy. A few people, myself included, got the… er… pleasure?... of watching him change into the damn thing. All I have to say is this: Nice Banana Hammock, Wang. The onesy was courtesy of Cabooty, who I hear traded Wang the onesy for his shorts at a clothing check on trail two years ago. Words cannot adequately describe the horror- go find a picture somewhere if you don’t believe me. I have one on my phone in fact… find me on trail and I’ll make you want to claw your own eyes out, too! I went home about 4:00; all the beer was gone but a keg of Coors Light (which I knew I’d have to suffer through during circle the next day anyway) and people were starting to crash. I live about a mile from Wakes Me and PR’s house, and I wasn’t totally drunk, so after a couple of hours of sifting through PR’s 14000 song iTunes account and playing good music for everybody, I had had enough.

And then I woke up at 9:00 the next morning. I forgot to set my alarm, but my inner Hash Clock said “Wake up, asshole! Time to hash again!” Let me just say this:  the Hangover Hash may be the most aptly named hash in the history of aptly named hashes. When I got back to the house, a few people were outside enjoying the sun.  How much beer did I drink last night, exactly? After a quick breakfast (coffee and a blueberry muffin, a bit of which might have been consumed by Sir Licks-A-Lot and Just Frankie), it was time to hash. Again. We took a few pictures, talked some more shit, and holy shit it’s hot, is it really only 10:00 in the fucking morning? HARES OUT (again)! The trail followed a similar path to the Hound Hash, but without all those bothersome markings. I’m noticing a trend with our good pal Wakes Me. After a vicious YBF by the golf course, we had to zen our way to the beer check (which had NO marks leading to or from it) and back out to the worlds biggest checking. I don’t know if anybody else got a picture of it, but it literally filled the entire street. That was a well done check, props to the hares.

The highlight of the trail was the wetback portion of the show. This is the part of the trail where we all get to spend a few minutes seeing what it’s like to cross the Rio Grande in style, and I don’t mean ‘using a bridge. Yes, the trail led RIGHT THROUGH the damn river. There were even signs staked in the middle with true trail marked on them for those who thought maybe this was another YBF, despite the people cheering you on and drinking beer on the other side screaming “This is point B! Come on!” Most of us just jumped right in, a few of us pulled off our shoes and kept them dry, but the ‘Awww’ moment of the day goes to good old Sgt Goo: He blew up an inflatable pool bed for his mistress, Happy Ending, and floated her right across the river. What a gentleman. The ‘Eww’ moment, of course, was Porta puking into the river about 5 seconds after jumping in.  On the other side, soggy, tired, hung over, and a little disgusted by ourselves, we stripped down to shorts and it was time to CIRCLE UP! Yet again, a rowdy circle. Frankie and Poncho were going nuts, running around and jumping in to the river.  The rest of us were pretty much too enthralled by Porta’s enthusiastic beer-bitching to pay much attention to the circle. There were no virgins, so mostly it was all about punishing those damn Racists (Ditch Sucker again, seriously?) and those who were DFL (which might have been PR? I was drunk, again, by that time, so I don’t really know). Just Eddie is owed a whistle, and Doc Wang and I are debating whether he’ll be back for it. Just Omar was named Rushin Crotch.

The big hash news of the day is that ELMER AND BALLSY ARE GETTING FUCKING MARRIED. What!? Congrats to the Happy Hash Couple. After the circle, a bunch of us decided it would be a good idea to reenter the Rio and follow it south until it crossed the Willows, where we would exit and simply walk to Wakes Me’s place. This sounded like a great idea to my drunken self, so I left everything in the B truck (my shirt, shoes, wallet, keys and phone) and jumped in. It was a great float, and most of us only drank a few mouthfuls of river water. We had to turtle check every few hundred yards to keep the pack together, but it was a small price to pay for such a great time. Among the floaters were Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Sgt Goo, Wakes Me, MyselfBeer Baddered, Used Rubber, E=MC2, Pimp My Bride and Just Eddie, Dui Done Right, Elmer and Ballsy (I think), and Sir Licks-A-Lot. I’m sure there were others, but my memory is hazy as hell. 

Once out of the river, I realized I’d made a serious miscalculation: I left my shoes in the B truck. And we had a hundred yards of shiggy to get through and a couple hundred yards of levy to walk, plus the few blocks to Wakes Me’s place. This wouldn’t have been so bad except that the ground was HOT. And my feet burned. Literally- the soles of my feet got first degree burns on them. It would have been much worse, but Beer Baddered offered me his socks, which were, mercifully, wet. By the time we made it to the street, Slutty showed up with her truck and let us pile in the back. I, Pimp My Bride, and Just Eddie rode with her back to the house. Thank God for you, Miss Trash. You saved my feet.

The rest of the day is a blur. I changed into my swimsuit right in the street, and I assume nobody saw me, because the police were never called. It took about 18 pizzas to fill the bellies of all the hungry hashers (and about as many tamales, too), and we managed to float the keg of Coors and kill two thirty packs of Bud Light to boot. The day ended with the sunset atop Wakes Me and PR’s house.  It transpired that Puss In Boots lost his keys in the river (or somewhere on trail, but the river is the story we’re going with because that’s just damn hilarious) and couldn’t get a dealership on the phone (because it was Sunday and they were all closed) to get a new key made. So he had to borrow PR’s Hyundai to get home. And since he was locked out of his truck, he couldn’t get to his glasses, so he had to drive home with his prescription sunglasses on. At night. Wakes Me left me a great voice mail about this- I’ve saved it, and I’ll play it for anyone who’s interested in hearing it. It was a great way to cap off the night. And that’s my side of the story. I’ve left out almost everything, but that’s the general overview. [General? Imagine if he included specifics? - Twat Rott] The hash owes a HUGE thank you to Wakes Me When It’s Over and Pussy Rican for letting us use and trash their beautiful house. They are great hosts, and our hash is truly blessed to have them. Until next trail, wankers - ZZZZzzzzzz! Oscar Not So Wilde


Hash Trash #1528

June 27, 2010


They say it has never happened (or at least no one can remember) but it did. “Four beer checks and NO WALKING TRAIL?” asked Porta. I bet he cooked an extra pot roast that night trying to figure out how this trail could mange to squeeze in so many beer checks. Sgt. Goo, Puff the Magic Drag Queen and No String Attached convened on El Paso’s Eastside (again) for yet another hot hash! Damn, it takes 3 boyz to plan a quasi-live trail? Well, if you’re talking about the GOO boys, it does. The hounds met up at I-got-Blackie_Chests Park. Note—the kiddos—with no flour in hand– huddled a couple of times before the start of the trail as more hashers trickled in  ready to catch them some hare. Most noticeably, Red Rocket arrived in his “larger than life—WTF Hummer 1” Yeah I know. Damn boy, you shaving more than dog balls..you shaving some rich MILF pussy(cats)? BessNuss is good, eh? Not soon enough did Porta start fidgeting… ”The hares aren’t out, the hares aren’t out!” Why, cause EDWARD (Goo) and BELL SWAN (Happy Endings) were too busy talking about god knows what? “Tell me you love me, Gooey.” *low voice* “I can’t, everyone is looking at me,” exclaimed Goo. “You know that Jacob will ‘wolf out for me’ at any time,” said Happy. “Stop it, Porta’s eyes are red and he’s not even drunk and the guys are only carrying Gatorade and not chalk! Can I go now??” “GO ALREADY Goo!!!” we all yelled out! It’s effen-HOT! Finally, Goo led his hares on the trail—Gatorade in hand and one CHALK.

Hounds out! We thought we had it made when we saw the 3 head South—Porta opted to zen his ass over to Zaragoza while the rest of us followed trail. Eargasm, Ballsy, Heineken and the rest hit a shitty ass mark that read, “Go back to ‘A’ WTF??? Go back to A? We just left. Stay in school, kids, this is what happens when your mother let’s you hash at a young ...OH WAIT, scratch that. Well, Ballsy, Eargasm, Toyz,the kids and I decided to zen East ‘cause we were not about to hump back to A. So we did, and we got lost. I felt better knowing that an R.N. and a plastic surgeon were with me...at the very least, Ballsy could revive me and Eargasm could botox my sundried, leather FACE if things got worse. Well, ON our way to Americas EXIT, we decided that we best head back closer to A. By then, most of the hounds were already on trail. We did find an emptied beer check though and at least I saw penis. CST’s penis mark. We entered the ditch and met up with some other hounds. I think we were on trail—who the hell knows? Hey, it was HOT. I have to say though, Balls in Hands marks her trail. No really. She sees a Check In, she marks, she walks, she marks, she thinks of Elmer, she marks..thank you Ballsy. Surprisingly, I didn’t see any WANGMARKS. How could that be?

As we headed towards Zaragoza again, we spotted another emptied beer check. Not bad boyz. You may not lay live but you make up with it in BEER Checks. Running across the parking lots, we ended up on front of Lowe’s then to Tinseltown theatre. Whistles? WOW!! I heard whistles as we headed behind the theatres. Can it be B? YES!!Short and sweet. We found B. Ok we found PORTA. Same shit since he’s an FRB anyway. The keg was readied and the circle initiated. In the absence of our beloved and sometimes perturbed RA, Porta John led the circle. Shit, I didn’t know so many accusations existed! Why? I was too busy eating CACA-AGUATES JAPONES with scotch-aficionado - Elmer.  PR caught me hogging the chips while Barney kept adjusting the cam. We named Just James (I think) and drank some more. Recruitment continued with no avail and we managed to behave the rest of the circle. Alas, Penis Envied Red Rocket loaded up his cruiser as the circle drew to an end. I didn’t go to the on after so tuff caca. NO DETAILS. Half-minded peeps—stay cool until the next time. ON ON. Twat Rott.



FRB— Pussy Rican

DFL –  Food Stamp

HashShit: Eargasm

100 Patch—Ballsy and Pussy Rican

25th—Toyz for Twats

Named: Just James—Premature Incarceration

YBFd back to A – Bi the Numbers, Pink in the Middle, Pink Slit, Elmer Pud Phucker, Balls In Hand, Hacker Wacker, My Teacher Made Me Cum, CockEye, Groping Barknee, Fuck Me My Ass Hurts, Moose Knuckle, Hung Daddy, Ghana Spank M’Monkey, Happy Ending, Red Rocket, Pimp My Bride, E=Mc2, Just Carlos (next named), Used Rubber, Cock Shock, TR, Heineken Skywalker, Ditch Sucker, Anal Akbar, Sushi Taco


Hash Trash #1532

July 18, 2010


Wanna shout out especial thanks to Barney the Groping Hasher for writing the last hash trash. I asked him to write this one since I WAS ON TRAIL. “Just lie,” he said. So as with many things that affect our hash every once in a while—I”LL HAVE TO LIE a bit. However, I promise not offend anyone (intentionally) and please if you are from out of town—don’t hate me because I’m beautiful—hate me because your husband thinks I’m beautiful. Orale! Ok, so are you all still whining about the long ass trail? WHAT? We did offer a “walker’s trail” to which most of you ignored. Yes you did. Cuz Porta said that when everyone was busy smelling each other’s ass at “A” no one bothered to listen when he announced the split. Of course HE didn’t listen either since he RAN the entire walker’s trail. “I was on blue but then the chalk turned pink—it was magical how I happen to get to B.” Um, Porta, the pink and blue chalk marks merged at “BEER NEER.”

Ok, so the team consisted of two virgins—yes 2! E=mc2 and Crouching Vagina, Hidden Penis—who along with yours truly and my upper half, Cock Shock met on El Paso’s East side. A fan of the Big Lewboski, both Crouching Vagina and Emc2 wanted to start at Bowl El Paso. Shit, when we left to drop off beer checks, we had 15 hashers, at the start, were over 50!  Like Janet Jackson’s song says, “They say it wouldn’t last…” Man so many itching to hash. We readied ourselves while Cock gave E=Mc2 some last minute advise—”DON’T GET CAUGHT or you’ll be drinking out of my size 15 shoe.”  She was too busy pulling down her ultra mini skirt and adjusting her boobs to care what CST was saying anyway. I think she was knitting too.HARES OUT! CST incorrectly marked trail right at onset. You make someone a “hasher” and boom, they think they’ve got it down! ”I’ve been hashing since ‘67 with the, um, Persia Hash House Harriers.” Chicano, pleeeeaaasssseee. But in his defense, and I ain’t using his REAL NAME, he did a great job in keeping us gals in check and taking Ms. Emc up 2 rigorous hills.

I on the other hand knew the dangers of a PortaZen. Vagina kept herself in stealth mode by climbing over rooftops while I marked true trail. The 100 degree weather didn’t help either as I made my way over and under each ridiculous obstacle.  Crouchy even had time to roundhouse 2 creeps who were eyeing our 2nd beer check. Not soon after we arrive at B,  Porta makes his appearance! WTF? Before Hoser? “I didn’t run the walkers trail, I hopped over the marks!”  Twenty minutes later a flood of tired and hot hashers made their way to B. How hot was it? Let’s just say some of the hashers resorted to stealing water from Poncho’s bowl. That hot. Circle UP to the consumption of DARK BEER—taking our buzz to inebriation in 6.2 seconds. By her second beer, Crouchy was CROUCHING, I was kissing Used Rubber, Cock was cuddling Wakes Me and EMC was outsmarting Wang, again. It’s accusation time as our RA attempted to keep the circle under control—a difficult task since many were either drunk or dehydrated Whew! Our lovely Cabooty nursed many back to an upright position (no pun intended) with tasty watermelon.


FRB— Porta John

DFL –  Strawberry SD

100 Bandana - CST

HashShit—Pussy Rican

Named- Zelina—Meat Lover

Visiting hashers – Cliff Cringle (Agaña Guam HHH), Candy Ass & Candy Man (Huachuca)

Newly installed here – Cums Dumps Goes, via Other Orlando H3 & Southside Seoul H3

Voigins – Just Chuckie, Just Rene, Just Eddy, Just Claudia, Just Hahvey, Just Derrick, Just Tim

Hotter’n Hashers – WorksThePole, Cuntstellation, Used Rubber, AssFurr, Da Pinks, Pussy Whipt, Just

Nelson, Wakes Me When Its Over (auctioning clothes), Eargazm & Just Mariola, Dickathlete, Pimp My

Bride (with her intended!), Ditch Sucker, Ditch the Bitch, Food Stamp, Puss In Boots, Dr Wang,

Moose Knuckle, Puffy, Teacher, Oscar, Bi the Numbers


Our on-after became another  successful event as we met up at Bowl El Paso. Beer Battered  gathered the hashers for a game of naked bowling while our harriettes entertained the young male virgins. I think they had high hopes of hooking up—Gentlemen, harriettes are a  different breed—you’ll need to a) drink more than them b) NOT giggle when groped and c) lay a successful trail. The group continued with the debauchery and Puffy kept on face booking. Call her already!!!  “Vemember, if you have a half-mind, that is all you need—and if you have a scab, don’t play with it,  eventually it will fall off!” ON ON TWAT ROTT


Hash Trash #1533

July 25, 2010


Knock knock
Who's there?
Yoga who?
Yoga to try hashing, it feels amazing!


I’d like to know how a yoga instructor, a soon-to-be Buddhist priest-quasi-ninja and a post-pubescent kid laid this trail? I can just see Dickathlete’s face —Duh? “I came here to pick up chicks and shit—how cum PR  gave us ‘drawings’ just to lay a trail?”  Ahhh little buck, didn't anyone tell you? Our harriettes are both hot AND SMART! The weather was definitely on their side when the group met up at EP Fitness off of Paragon. Someone rubbed Buddha the right way that day. Forewarned, EVERYONE had their hash cash in hand for fear of drinking Hung Daddy’s urine at the circle.  Proud of her man, I witnessed Crouchy giving Pope Bendadick some last minute advise, “Ok sensei, these are a DIFFERENT type of Zen masters—they drink lots of beer,  twist their nipples and ignore marks.”   Hares Out!

Dickathlete sprinted his ass down Mesa while Pope stopped in the middle of street to carry a tarantula over to safety.  “Oye jincho, andale que nos van agarrar con las manos en la masa,” yelled Pussy Rican. Meanwhile back at “A” I interviewed 2 virgins— Lucas’ boy Hector and Anal’s just Randy. Maaaannnn, I hope they come back. By the way, did anyone notice that our point A’s is beginning to look more like a carnival? I mean we have haberdashery vendors, we have food, we have sunbathers, we have beer and boy do we have freaks!  WALKING! Porta, of course ran the opposite direction while the rest of the brew crew followed trail.  I, too busy chatting with Cuff Me and CV, ended up with Porta, Puss and Wakes Me—only to find PRELAID TRAIL. Uh huh! Porta jumped all over it like Sir Licks-Alot to our crotch.  The over-schooled Wakes Me figured if we hash backwards and  yell ‘NO NO,’ we’d eventually run into the hares. But what do we know? Shit an MD has to be better than a GED, no? So we listened and along the way we picked up Puffy and another virgin.

We made our way up to a nearby neighborhood only to find “walker’s trail.” Wakes Me with his ethics in check (ethics = balls) refused to run on the walker’s trail and forced us to return to the last mark and sniff out runner’s marks.  Meanwhile, Cuff Me educated our virgin on backward haring, geology, and the mating habits of millipedes.  After a long 10 minutes, we ran into PW, Teacher and Cums Dumps Goes who were on trail.  Continuing with our HashEthics, we got back on true trail and made our way to B. Sound confusing? It was. Porta, CST and a couple of lazy ass hashers who had decided to wait near “B, ” mocked us for following trail. WTF?  Circle UP! Yappers were quickly silenced and names were bestowed. We experience some technical difficulties—clogged keg pump and a clogged up ego.  At least the beer flowed—- can’t say much for Hung Daddy though! Used Rubber and EMC2 and a couple of DFLs finally made it to “B” after their 20 mile hike. (Thanks CST) Beer Baddered did keep Pinky and Cobb Gobbler (a.k.a.  Swallows Her Spit) silent for at least one hash song. Whew!


FRB— Porta John AGAIN?

DFL –  Kenya Spank?

HashShit—Puss n Boots

Named– Fucky Sucky 5 dolla and No Sex Like Man Sex

Voigins – Just Lionel, Just Stan, Just Devin, Just Richie, Just Ryan

Visiting hashers – Cliff Cringle, Guam & Shigless (thought she lived here?), Hellions of Odessa

Hell-ready Hashers – Puffy, Goo, Bi da Numbers, Hacker Wacker, Hates Me, Slutty, WoiksdaPole, The Pinks w/Just Mari, CVHP, Used Rubber, Beer Baddered, Pimp My Bride, Just Omar, Food Stamp, Happy Ending, Anal Akbar, Pussy Whipt, Dr Wang, Twat Rott, Cuff Me + Stuff Me, Strawberry Short Dick, Red Rocket, Cuntstellation, U Suck My Cock, Toyz4Twats, Cums Dumps Goes, Just Alex, Hung Dad, Oscar NSW, JustDerrick, DUI Done Right, Just Chris, Teacher, Moose Knuckle, Just Joyce, Cumsquach & Sir Licks A Lot,  CobbGobbler


On-after was at the King of the Hill X  formally Kings X.  Shiggless opted to grant Dr. Wang a full blown, naval shot. Let me give you the image—ready? She lays over a table, lifts her shirt,  clears the lint out of her naval, closes her eyes, clinches the side of the table like when we visit the OBGYN, and calls Dr. Wang over. Wang (yes Wang) - puts down his cigarette, licks his Carmex-starved lips, and walks slowly to her, bends over, sticks out his tongue and sucks “la” tequila from her ombligo! UPCHUCK and WOW Dr. Wang, you da mang!  Meanwhile, Meat Lover’s Deelight (with no apparent signs of a torn ligament) walked in sporting her cowgirl gear and rack. “Hey Sissy, Buds calling and he wants his Mustang back!!” She did disappoint many hashers and probably some harriettes when she sat by what appeared to be her buckaroo. I was told the hashers continued to party till wee hours of the night till hillbillies kicked ’dem out! Until the next hash  - Remember, if you have a half mind that’s all you need! ON ON. Twat Rott.


June 13, 2010

The Pinky Promise:



Yes SHE did!!! Ms. Sexy Pinky Slit coupled-(ated) with Hose Handler - met this past Sunday to lay trail on El Paso’s Eazsighhhhh Bitches! Finally for some– the long drive to the Westside took a backseat when we met up at Marty Robbins park. True to our promise to arrive on time, we did only to find that Ms. Pinky was still at home. I’ll let Cock Shock Therapy have his way with this one on Facebook.  One by one the hounds trickled in. First and foremost I have to say that this lay not only had a great trail (so they told me), but gave us the complete package[check] - beginning to end.  No Cock teasing here baby! However we may have some renaming to do due to post hashbehavior from our hounds and harriettes—more on that later.

Virgins and more virgins and we didn’t even have to go to local boys club #69 to recruit! If you tap it, they will come. Sorry kiddos, you ain’t drinking if your pee pee don’t have hair on it, k? Just that our peeps ACTUALLY have jobs and we don’t wanna have to explain why we contributed to the delinquency of minors especially since we’re still trying to explain how Heineken pumped last week’s keg better than Crouchy. Don’t worry, there is always enough material for your “spank bank” during an EPH3 hash. Hares OUT! - Pinky (aka Mexitar) took her long-ass stride alongside her mentor. I stayed with the group for the onset of the trail, but soon found myself lost with Cabooty. I knew she could run faster than Hoser could walk and so I took a chance. Besides, I wanted to increase my sexiness by association. I mean she FBooks her morning runs every day—”Cabooty ran 105 mi on Jun. 16, 02:29 am (Time: 00:48:00).” Yeah I know. FRBeatch. Well, I’d figured, if I got lost, at least I knew where “A” was. So she and I headed towards Lee Trevino—paralleling the rest of the  pack.  I’m surprised on the lack of boob checks on trail—Hoser having been recently baptized as a boob man,- WAIT! I WASN’T on trail.  We Zenned our asses around and down toward I-10 hoping to spot trail. (I know you wanna hear about the circle up part) Ok...but before I do, we really did Zen to B. Some Pussies in boots called it luck, we call it experience. We could see hounds East of our trail when I got to James Whatt the Phuck and there ...clear as our urine during a random drug test, I saw a trail mark! And then BEER NEER! Hey, it’s Head Blower’s place! Haven’t been there since the Bad Hair Day Hash. B! For the record, we did back track  to double check the trail—how could it be that we got so lucky? EXPERIENCE bitches! 

Besides Hoser wasn’t even at B. Hmmmm. When he did arrive, he quickly accused us of CHEATING. ‘C'mon Hoser, we Zenned and found B –don’t be hatin, be lovin!  Besides Porta was back and Wakes Me brought Fosters!!  Once again, our beautiful MILF– Ballsy was nominated for the Hashshit—she swallowed like a champ too! After the last accusation all I could say is “Man, did the group celebrate or what?” My peripheral was (again) in FULL SCAN. Harriettes were on full duty and our beloved Hash Harlot—Sushi Taco was scanning the Lone Star. Ok ok relax..not gonna go there—but Cabooty, sporting her teeni-mini kilt—did stage a harriete dance behind Hoser’s truck—Used Rubber had babysitting duty, and Shigless’ hole got bigger (jean hole). Balls were flying, boobs were prelubed and B.A. levels were rising AND SO we stayed little longer. Clucker Phucker, in his usual fashion, showed up late or EARLY depending on what day you’re on. The group met up at Maverick’s for the on after. Apparently that’s the last time too—We simply don’t tolerate hashintolerance especially for our 4-legged friends.

It is safe to say that this time it was ALL PORTA’S FAULT!  If you have a half mind, bring it next time—ON ON Twat Rott.



Hash Trash #1525

June 6, 2010

THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY! We’ve got Bush and Clouds?


Well I’ll be damned...just flown in from my trip to Boston and the devil has decided to use El Paso as his ironing board eh? Cabron it was hot. What happened? Well, the GODS were crazy for the hash that day. Clouds, wind and more clouds. What can be better? I’d tell ya but CST hasn’t tried it on me yet.  Dogg E. Porn and Cunti promised a long and well marked trail on El Paso WEZside? Peeps are asking, how cum there’s no trails on the Eastside? Sign up and lay my broder and sista!  You get to choose the location...how about one in Horizon City???  Before the hash, Wakes Me prelubed at his casa—missing his Pussy—he welcomed us to his home. There the pack, along with his pack, cooled off before the hash. By the way, Hoser is NOW a boob man.

The hounds met on Redd near the Walmart. Is it me or did anyone notice that THAT parking lot was free of used diapers? Oh and Wakes Me’s guests were conspiring a way to zen their asses back to his pool. The pack readied themselves sporting their camelbacks, gatorade and 1000 SPF protection. Except for Hoser—who mocked us all. “Why did you guys bring WATER? For what? You all spent all that money on your packs”...blah blah..Hey RA, we don’t all autohash our asses to “B” under the protection of FREON—Okay?!!!! Yeah, I said it.  Now I’m gonna get it!!!  Hey MOSES...get back to the desert and let us suck on our hoses. Hares out! Used Rubber and Pink Slit modeled their “Woman specific” camelback—all this means is that it has an extra 3 industrial size snaps to support their DD cups.  Oh, did I mention Hoser is now a boob man? Hounds out...the large pack headed up to Franklin High school. Before that, I specifically remember asking Heineken Skywalker to stay with me. “Hey Heineken, Porta is not here, don’t you try to mock him by wanting to be FRB, ok?” He just stared at me and replied, “mande?”  Did he listen? NO. Crouching Vagina and Toyz both zoomed passed everyone—Extra batteries? I think so.

Pretty soon we encountered some intense wind-age—Hey, we weren’t complaining—rather bugs in our mouths than chafing between our legs.  Pimp my Bride and her siblings were going back and forth “competing” nonetheless, for a front bastard position. Yeah, I saw you! Moosenuckle was busy collecting FB profile names so he could reach 10,000 friends by the end of the month—HEY, you wanna send my abuelita a Farmville request to find your sheep or what?? The trail continued on a whirl wind of zig zags, down and around the west side neighborhoods. I think I was with Used Rubber who kept adjusting her top (her breasts KEPT POPPING out of her bathing suit). By the way, she has a twin in the hash and it ain’t her SISTER. Sorry gentlemen, I believe she prefers Lesbian Boy if I’m not mistaken—ON ON to our new sista! And just we thought trail was over, it went up the mountain to High Ridge Park. I was on my last breath when I realized I had not seen Heineken the entire trail. I crawled through Sunday picnics, as I made my way to B.  FRB Heineken was already playing in the cacti and with a Tetanus infected rebar that my fellow hashers had probably given him.  Crouching Vagina, was chosen for beer bitching duties but only managed to serve 2 down downs before complaining— “I don’t know how to do this...I’ve never served beer—I’ve only served Chi and Green Tea.” Teacher was bitching that we were over pumping the keg—he hovered over the keg like Food Stamp on a harriette—Oh shit, that’s in the near future...

Circle UP!!!  We managed to pitch out a naming for Just Damien while his hot mother frolicked around the circle. Beer Battered “pollinated” as many harriettes as he could tip toe too including Ms. Slutty White Trash—who wasn’t very impressed—”Hey Beer Battered, is it in yet?”  After a serious of accusations, the group decided to stay until the last drop. Besides, our hounds were too busy being cockteased by the harriettes.  Could it get any better? Yes! NO SUN and the PONY EXPRESS. I vaguely remember, but I think Pony got a bonus boob check from someone before we took off—not gonna say who. Pony, you are one lucky hasher. Hashers want to know - when you get home, do you smell your seat? Until next time, if you have a half-mind, that’s all you need.

ON ON. Twat Rott


HASH TRASH May 30, 2010



Palabra Jot Write a little Hash a Lot!

I’m Baaaaaaaack from my hi-anus! Been a bit busy, fried, and moody. After the events that took place during Eargasm’s virgin lay, I decided to honor Eargam’s ‘wefucked trail by masturbating for every chalk and flour mark he and PW left for us. So as you might imagine, MY HANDS WERE BUSY! Needless to say, that day we instituted our new naming committee (again),  collectively use our HEADS (head, who said head?), and came up with some dumbass names. No no, we did a’right. I’m just glad PW wasn’t in the mood to name that day, cuz Just Oscar would have been named “Fuck you Fucking Fuck” and Just V?—”Vaginal Waste.” But he didn’t and EVEN offered to lay an even longer trail some time in the future. That day, half the dumbasses were FRB’s so we won’t get in to that right now.

During the next couple of hashes something surreal happened—Porta was absent. Yes, you heard it right—decided to go on and celebrate his wife's tolerance of him—think he went camping another Sunday and then went off somewhere else—*whispering* I think they call it “recovery.” Oh and who else? Dr. Wang! Finally got poor old Ms. D. Eisenhower to fork over the last of her Savings Bonds to purchase a 2-week Hawaiian getaway. “I left 2 cases of Ensure in the fridge BITCH!” He also left Barney in charge of the sign in sheets and hash outcomes—think Barney still mourning the departure of his Rose is a Rose is a-GONE and forgot to send them!

Despite our half wanking minds, Hoser and Ditch managed to organize the Anal Memorable Hash! Those of you who are new to the hash, we celebrated a beloved hasher named Tooth Faerie who left us too soon :( His beautiful wife, Ditch da Bitch is a reminder of his good taste in women, and the El Paso Hash is a reminder of his good taste in friends! A wonderful turn out ..’course WE were late with the extra cooler and Wakes got mad. But he didn’t stay mad for long—because he started drinking and forgave ONLY Cock Shock. Dats a’right...dats okay.  Why the extra beer you may ask? Welllll the previous night we celebrated with a pre-lube. As usual we had more beer than food. Dogs, kids, offenders, and half-minds showed up to pay tribute to TF— sporting their new bandanas designed for the occasion. Dogg E. Porn and Cunti brought their dozen dogs while the punky Ms. Maria KY sported her threads. RA announced that on trail we’d find  Woodies! The harriettes ‘sighed’ thinking Hoser had laid 1000 package checks!

Hares out!!! From the corner of Airway and Montana, the large group proceeded across the street ONLY to find themselves in front of our first BEER CHECK! ON IN bitches! At close to 100 degrees, who wouldn’t welcome that eh? I decided to take the under-aged hashers back on trail. Knowing that they are too young to blow, count to 3 or cross the street by themselves, Cuff Me and I let them on to the 2nd and almost immediate ON IN! Yup, Ditch da Bitch and Hoser know how to lay a trail!  We skipped it again and that’s where Heineken found his first woody. Reaching down he touched it, took it, smiled and hashed on. Face Shot and Clit Eastwood helped find more trail as we hashed back across Montana. I felt like the COCK-o-Dry Humper as I led the kids on a hunting adventure. No sooner did the rest of the pack get back on trail, I get lost. Eventually, Cuff Me and I made our way back to true trail—until we hit the wall. Cock shock surprisingly found B—even though he was BEHIND me. Yeah I know. Cuff and I made our way to B. Circle UP!!! Was Porta there?? Probably his fault anyway.  Keg was ready for consumption and celebration AND there were baby hashers everywhere! Ballsy regressed and opted to roll her butt down the hill with Swallow’s boyz while H2Ho and Face down introduced their littlest hasher...

On a serious note— We were there to celebrate the life of our friend Tooth Faerie..Thank you Hoser and Ditch for making it a grand trail and circle up. Like Hoser said, anyone who knew TF was in essence “blessed.” He was a grand person, smart as hell, witty and had great teeth! He was a true gentlemen. I mean look at who he married!! Need I say more??? Ditch—thank you for allowing us to celebrate your husband.  Even though many of our newbees did not have the pleasure of meeting Robert, they will be reminded time and time again because that is what EPH3 is all about. Until next time...if you have a half mind that’s all you need!




April 28. 2010 EPH3 Presents

Bad Moon Hash #1517

I see the Hash moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see Hose n Pinky Zenning'.
I see Puss pissed today.

Don't go zen’n around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your wife,
There's a Hash moon on the rise.

I hear Hoser screams ablowing.
I know PW’s coming soon.
I fear he’ll never start the Circle.
I hear Hoser’s voice of rage and ruin.
Hope you got your chalk together.
Hope you are quite prepared to mark.
Looks like we're in for nasty whining.
Even with cops a-stopping in the dark.


Hare – Cock Shock Therapy

FRB – for the first time, Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Hashit – Cabeauty

DFL – Paging Doctor Faggot (getting outta the Army, now!, on his way to Austin) took it, but Hoser and Pink Slit, lost in the dark

Dead On Trail – Pussy Whipt, Puss In Boots

Must get named – Just Marc II, Just Jess, Just V

Sub RA – PortaJohn

To the rescue – Sushi Taco

Cumming problemo - Whoreo

Lunatards, targeted by John Law –NO DICK for U! Heineken Skywalker & Twat, Lil Easy, Used Rubber, Anal Akbar, Baa Baa Lost Shit, Beer Badderd, Eat=mycunt2wice & Doktor Wang

And no dogs!

Need I say more? Sin fin. ON ON! Twat Rott

HASH TRASH Who let the dogs out??? #1514

April 11, 2010 #1514

3rd Anal MADD Dawg 20/20 Memorial Run


Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

 Who let the Barn out???? Woof woof woof woof wo wo woof…Whoooooooooo let the Barn out? Woof woof woof woof woof??

Holy hell fire shit…was that da Barney we saw at our anal dog run? Did he finish all his honey dos? Aren’t we relieved he isn’t writing THIS ONE? Just saying…This hash IS one of our favorites - honoring our beloved Madd Dawg 20/20 (who is now hashing in eternal joy surrounding by doggie treats and fire hydrants) and all hashing and non hashing dogs who bring us so much joy! ‘sniff sniff’

We met up early for our quarterly MisManagement meeting - late only to find that our GMc had already started taking notes! Wow! Isn’t that our On-Sec’s job? Soon after that the pack began to make their way in to Point A – Pussy Rican’s casa! Our canine hosts Franky and Poncho were ecstatic to see their buddies arrive. There sure was a lot of butt smelling going on…till Pinky snapped at Wang….”Hey carbon, don’t you be touching my boob…just cause Hoser honors them, don’t mean it’s a free for all..a’right?” I thought we’d be seeing his tiny bitch fly across the pool….dats for sure! The beautiful and still glowing Rectal Monitor introduced us to the littlest hasher and her sister although she CLAIMS her as her mother..right. MAN that baby is soooooooooooooooooooo cute! We need a NaMING: Tiny Limb! [I couldn’t resist].

BUT WAIT A MINUTE..NO Dogg E. Porn. What? Come que no Dogg E. Porn? It’s ain’t right! And NO Just Brutus?? Oooooh wait, I remember, he doesn’t do well in the heat ‘cause he’s a purebread and nana nana na na nana..yeah whaterver! Pinche perro delicado! The neighborhood looked like Consuelo’s daughter’s Quinceañera..whooo hooo! We parked..well EVERYWHERE..if there was a space..there was a parking. The Pony Express introduced the Chile Pick’n Party Platform. Neighbors sprung out of their homes hoping to hire one of us to paint their house! Simma Sima down Willow peeps..we are tax paying AMERI-can-do’s ---and um sorry for the oil stains.

Bitches out!!! Our hares Pussy Rican and Ms. Ballsy prepared a great trail fit for two and four legged hashers. By the way, you can tell we’re not from the area because NOT ONE OF US carried zip lock (poop bags). What? What? It’s biodegradable, no? Shit…we carry bologna – isn’t that good enough? Pony a.k.a. the dog whisperererer… stood by the CPPP and handed out dogs like queso at the beginning of the month -“Who wants to take one of my dogs? Anyone? Anyone?” Heineken, Pussy Whipt, Lil Easy, her bo-hunk, Just Bryan, Turd, Used Rubber, Just Veronica and some newbies headed off to the ‘runner’s trail’ and immediately got lost.  Where the hell was the blood hound when we needed him? Some actually started following BJ hasher Yo Mama despite countless warnings that that he DID NOT know where he was going. I can’t remember if that other BJ chick..you know the “cat lady” who comes out on 20/20’s Predator show was following too or out looking for pussy. Then we hit the wall. Yup…they even chalked instructions to get our asses over it. Yeah - thanks Ms. Size 2 and 4.  Let’s just say those boyz found out why they named me TWAT ROTT. Yup like a perfect gentleman, Lil Easy’s man helped me over that damn wall. Guy….I have two words for you: TOMATO JUICE.  The pack managed to stay together most of the trail up until we hit the El Paso Country Club! Damn G…dem are some purty houses! Bet they’re not bitching about my President, eh??? [Off my podium].  Thank god THEY water their trees cause we hit shade most of the trail!!!  In my usual fashion, I recruited hashers to lay upcoming trails….So? so? We eventually made our way towards the Rio Grande to find that the pack had already made it to B!!

Alas the pack and the pack circled up! Who let the Dogs out?? We did! That other A.W.O.L.ed BJ hasher who was dating that red headed chick..don’t know here name ..well her dog was a-hatn the pack. Hey CESAR!!!! We have a RED Zone Case. Damn..you burly looked at his “out of standard” Boxer face and he growled - then snapped at our groins!!!! Paquito managed to go untazed and Banjo was out looking for Max.  And then it happened. From a distance, like an unregistered sex offender, we see Clucker Fucker sitting in his van. WTF is he doing? I mean, he’s already passed the “hash cash pay zone” so why not drive up? Well he did and drank for it. We had 3 namings to do too..that’s 3 too many for OUR pack. Well at least Dr. Wang didn’t throw one of his hissy-fits.  The pack and pack sang, howled, and sniffed each other’s asses and Hoser even added two more accusations!!!! We once again boarded the Pony Express 2 furnished with special seating thanks to Farmer’s Dairy. We held on to our kids and dogs and made our way back to A. Other items of interest:

Hares – Balls In Hand & Pussy Rican

Hashit - Mary KY

Hundredth bandana – Balls In Hand WOW after 3 years!

Named – Just Joseph -> Face Shot, Just Bryan -> Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Just Phoenix -> Defurred after she showed WHY she should be named this

Hash hounds – too many to list

Showed up at Point A – Rectal Monitor, baby & mom / Think Clitigation did the same thing, to drop off doggee treats

Only one virgin signed up – Just Johnny

Visiting hasher – Cumfusion Say, ColumbiaH3 and Yo Mamma

In recuperation – Wakes Me When it’s Over

Super cumming problemos – Fudgie Packer, Strawberry Short Dick Forever, Groping BarKnee

The resuvus – Yours truly, Cock Shock Therapy, Bi the Numbers, PortaJohn, Elmer Pud Phucker, Used Rubber, Just Eli, Just Clayton, Paging Doctor Faggot, STIFFY, Pussy Whipt, Pink Slit, Heineken Skywalker, Puss In Boots, Baby Wood, Just Veronica, Lil Easy, Hoser, Limp Limb, Just Jess, Anal Akbar, Turd Burglar, Furr Burger with Thighs, Hacker Wacker, Dr Wang, Clit Eastwood, Clucker Fucker, Itchy N Scratchy

Let’s us think about our true intention for this run – to celebrate our 4-legged friends. Thanks to all who attended and who donated for our worthy cause. And remember to spay and neuter your pets, drink all your beer and join us next week for another hare raising adventure!

Sin fin. On On. Twat Rott



April 4, 2010

Easter Hash #1513

Where are my Huevos?

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

Here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On

Point B’s on its way. 

Bringin' ev’ry harriette and boy

Markings full of Hashing joy,
Things to make your Hash bright and gay [not that there’s anything wrong with it]
He's got Hot Cheetos for Hoser,
Colored MD 20/20 bottles for sister Slutty,
There's a Tecate for your Mommy
And an oil can lager, too. 

Oh! here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On

Happy Hashing day.

Here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the bunny trail,
Look at him stop, and listen to him say:
"CHECK IN! Go this way, go that way."
Maybe if you're extra good,
He'll roll lots of beer your way.

You'll wake up on Monday morning
And you'll know that he was there
When you find those chalk and flour marks
That he's hiding everywhere.

Oh! here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail, 
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On
Happy Hashing Easter day!

Beautiful day for a family hash. Family? Kids? Yes. Didn’t you see the Hashspace add? I think one of our harriette “mothers” posed for a La Leche campaign poster on the importance of breastfeeding. Yeah, that’s what it was! We don’t just get drunk you know, we get drunk for a cause! Our hares Porta John and his beautiful assistant Bi da Numbers met up at the famous Rosa’s Cantina – hashers with their two and four legged kids gathered for this special occasion. “I don’t pre-lay,” exclaimed Porta…”Cheez, this is out of my comfort zone, what do I do? I wanna be chased cause I’m a hare, ya know?” “Relax honey, you’ll be a’right. You have to go cook your famous habenero burgers, clean the house, pick up the yard, feed the dog, massage my feet, and cool the beer! Besides, they think Point B is at our house anyway!” With her evil laugh, BidNumbers adjusted her cotton tail, sexed up her boobs and headed for Doniphan.

So many dogs too! WTF, thought this was next week? No. It’s every week in our hash. Hounds. And one pony. Ok, two. Just Brutus eeeeewwww and ahhhhed the kids and let himself be transformed into a doghare. The group hopped on down the trail that eventually split for both the runners and the walkers. Heineken was trying to impress PR on his dog training-al-Cesar-Millan skill. ”Pr, I know about Boston Terriers, ‘cause I’ve watched Dogs 101. Did you know that there are over 4167 active gangs in the United States. Yeah, that was on the Discovery Channel, and where’s Peter? Have you seen Clash of the Titans, I have. What does Frankie eat? Joe snores. Wow, it’s hot.”…….to which eventually PR desperately yelled, “Hey Heineken, why don’t leave me the dog and run over there by Mesa and find your mommy? Whew..Calgon take me away already!!!”

The group headed into the glorious Sunland Park neighborhood crossing through their famous park, where neighboring children play …but only after local heroin and meth addicts finish up their association meeting each night. Fur Burger helped her baby along the Rio Grande where we eventually met up with the walkers. Where are the huevos? Some of the kids picked up what they believed were recently layed Easter eggs only to discover that they were left behind THREE YEARS AGO. “Don’t worry kids, it’s a short and sweet trail. By mile 5, the trail looked like a shit load of Yoda carrying cadets. Somewhere toward the end of the trail, Teacher and Hung Daddy merged into the group -of course they did, why wouldn’t they?  The other half of the pack resorted to following our RA Hoser cause he knows. He knows that Point B is at Porta’s house. Like Hare-Krishnas (HEY! this worked well for the hash trash, eh?) we followed him. The FRB’s circled around towards his house only to be told by an autohashing Sgt. Goo and his sister that trail went the udder way. Phuck! So the pack turned back and headed in the other direction towards the Rio Grande where we finally met up with a bunch of tired and huevo-less hashers! “Didn’t you guys find the eggs?” asked Porta. “No, but some of us are ovulating, does that COUNT?!!!!” Chingado.

Circle up!!! Damn, is it me or is the circle big as hell? Ms. Pinky wasn’t feeling too hot and sat...and so did Slutty, and Goo, and Ditch, and Balsy, and Elmer. HEY! You’ve only ran 9 miles around a 2 mile radius. I also noticed that we picked up about 6 extras along the trail too. After an out of control down down, the hares headed back in hopes of seeing the yellow chariot waiting for us. Like Mexicans in downtown, the hares sat around waiting for their ride. Oh and Hash and behold, did anyone notice that Dr. Wang sprung into the first wave of vehicles and did not return? Um. Paging Dr. Wang? Did you get lost and made your way to the on after instead of picking up tired hashers? Que huevos! The on after was hosted by the hares and in usual fashion Bi da Numbers and Porta cooked up a delicious post hash menu for us huevo-nes. Other items of interest:

Hashit – RA Hoser

Literal Hounds – Sir Licks A Lot & Justs Amigo, Brutus & Frankie

Fam Friendlies – Heineken Skywalker, Just Brittany w/Swallows, Just Kassie w/Pink Slit, Just Joseph & Clit Eastwood w/Mary KY, Hacker Wacker & Furr Burger with Thighs daughter, Used Rubber’s daughter, Slutty’s baby’s baby

Voigins – Just Clayton, Just Celina

Absent two weeks in a row – Barney

Beer Bitchin’ though not on trail – Sergeant Goober

50th – My Teacher Made Me Cum – hey does that count BJ hashes too?

Stickered – Eat=mycunt2wice & Food Stamp, who gave up hashing for Lent

Noble pack – Just Eli, Pussy Whipt, Puss In Boots, Elmer Pudd Phucker, Balls In Hand, Beer Battered, Pussy Rican, Cock Shock Therapy, No String Attached, Just Bryan, Just Brad, Clitigation, Eargasm, Baa Baa Lost It, Limp Limb, Clucker Fucker, Just Jess, Ditch the Bitch, and DW

Once again the EPH3 cums togther for another great day of hashing. Remember if you have huevos and a half mind, then that’s all you need. ON ON.

Sin Fin. Twat Rott


HASH TRASH MARCH 28, 2010 - Better Late than Never!


History of the Hash Part II

(Written in Times New Roman)

"…through conviction under the law was cast as a prostitute, most visibly through imposition of the label of the toga, the prostitute's badge of shame.”

Hasher please! We’re harriettes. Bitch.

The Evil Hashing Emperors

Tiberius Pony – “The emperor who trusted Sejanus and lived a debauched life in Capri

Caligula Hoser –“The evil emperor who proclaimed himself a God”

Nero Wacker – “The mad tyrant who blamed the Christians for the burning of Rome

Domitian Wakes – The evil emperor who murdered thousands of non-hashing Christians”

Commodus Cock - “More savage than Domitian, more foul than nero”

Carachalla Puss – The common enemy of mankind" 

Elagabalus SCAB – He married a Vestal Virgin and then took a husband..."

Carinus Battered – “The debauched Emperor suspected of incest”


Act I.

Our harriettes Clitigation, Sushi Tacos and Swallows the Kids chose the corner of North Loop and Carolina for Sunday’s hash as Roman soldiers and divas gathered for our Toga, Toga, Toga Hash and man what a group it was! Immediate and most notable was SCAB- kinda looked like Caligula’s lit’l bitch with his tiny cheerleading skirt and sandals…how cute!!! All I know is hat Heineken kept asking why he couldn't be his little sister. Oh before that…in the John’s household…[not that we were listening]


Porta: It's not gonna be an orgy! It's a toga hash!

BiDa: Honestly, Porta, you're 44-years old. In six months you're going to retire, and tomorrow evening you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.

Porta: Want me to go alone?

BiDa: Baby, I don't want you to go at all.

Porta: It's a Hash, I'm in the Hash. How can I miss it?

BiDa: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend!

Hoser in true self began questioning the validity of our costumes..OF COURSE HE WOULD. WHY WOULDN’T HE? I mean we were historically off (as he pointed out) some Greek, some Roman, some Bed, Bath and Beyond and me - I was wearing ‘cheese cloth” and others like Used Rubber and E=mc2 pulled the curtains off their poor mama’s living room window. So? So? Rome was not a country ..and it’s not Greece but Greece was part of the Roman Empire – wasn’t it? And and Rome was founded by twins..who were raised by a she-wolf (hound) and prince Aeneas (not anus folks) son of Alphrodite..Wow!   Hmmm no wonder were there was a divine drive to attend last week’s hash – I mean, a “hound” did raise some crazy ass twins, founded Rome and then there was that cool movie Animal House and Toga parties and now we have a toga hash. See the connection? ??

Puss looked like Jesus Christ -well that be ok since Easter was just around the corner behind a rock. VIRGIN, VIRGINS, VIRGINS so many of them in attendance…Caligula Hoser adjusted his RING and scooped up some LARD in dem shorts before the start of the hash juuuuuussssttttt in case he ran into one of ‘em. And so it began..

Act II.

The trail stretched across a dusty Lower Valley. Like Roman soldiers, and their maidens, the hashers paraded through the scores of onlookers like athletes on their way to the arena. “What the fuck are you all doing?” yelled a shocked patron whose idea of exercise is the walk to the fridge. Isn’t it fascinating how soooo many onlookers are shocked and pissed ‘cause were “running?” I kept Just Veronica and her hubby voigen Just “Sensei” Paul close by cause you never know if these two Black Belt –ball cracking duo needed my help out there in the barrio, just saying.

We made our way towards Hillcrest Middle pit – where the beer awaited us! Some of us. “They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!” No beer, no beer, no beer, no beer! Ms. Sexy Cabooty never stopped. Running - Up, down, side to side - I think her booby screws are speed adjusters – I) FRB II) Fuck ya’all. Damn girl do they make those for vajayjays?  The hounds continued over and across the country side towards the ditch . Greece I believe it was. No – it stopped and we were lost. "Heinken..get your little ass out there and look for trail before SCAB takes you up for his bride." We decided to put our heads together and head back to the beer check. By then, several togas were showing signs of distress in the form – SKID MARKS…yuckers Romans! We looped again and eventually got back on trail. Pony pumper AKA the “horse guy from the Duran Duran video ‘Girls on Film’ walked in front as I made my way to B. Almost jump on him I tell ya…From the distance I saw the largest gathering I’ve since..well since um..last WEEK!

Act III.

Circle up!! So it came to pass the company of fellow hashers, disguised grossly as serious runners, broke out into riotous phallic dances and song, enjoyed equally by those who looked on and by those who took part (eventually) or at least after Hoser threatened to tie their balls with cat gut and force red wine down their throats. “The hash is out of control, the hash is out of control!” Our GMc took over song meister duties to either egg on or help da Caligula Hoser (we’ll never know). Of course it's all PORTA'a fault!

Beer bitching by the way is NOT Beer Battered’s cup of tati – I mean, you’d think by virtue of his NAME that he’d have some experience? Throw him to the Lions, I say! And so Caligula Hoser, in RA god self – kept it short cause we were out of chips and um accusations. Oh and our DFL Hacker Wacker was eventually released by the Cristo Rey Catholic Church after they discovered that he WASN’T circumcised. The Yellow Chariot awaited. And waited. And waited. Alas, Nero Wacker brought his miniature pony and helped kick start the sacred chariot. In true regressive fashion, we sat and sung our way to Point A

- beer chugging, butt showing, cop teasing selves….

Other items of dis-interest:

Hares - Clitigation, Sushi Taco, Swallows the Kids

FRB – Baby Wood (WTF!?!?) Is he still mad?

Hashit – Paging Doctor Faggot

DFL – Hacker Wacker!

50th hash IOU (why are we not surprised, Wang?) – Eye Fucked Up

Cumming problemos – Eargasm, Elmer Pud Phucker, STIFFY, OffHand, SCAB, Kenya Spank M’Monkey, Likes It In Da Caboose, Bring Your Own Bitch

Voigins – Just Jess, Just Alex, Just Skeeter, Just Paul III & Just Brian, hashed in cowboy boots (did he pay?)

Yet to be named – Just Eli, Just Phoenix, Just Paul II, Just Veronica, Just Brittany, Just Amigo

Togaed & un pack – Puss In Boots, Pink Slit, Balls In Hand, Cock Shock Therapy, Heineken Skywalker, Bi the Numbers, PortaJohn, Beer Battered, Hose Handler, Used Rubber, Eat=mycunt2wice, Baa Baa Lost Shit, Anal Akbar, Hung Daddy Tutu (with Just Benjie), Sir Licks A Lot, Dogg E. Porn, Cuntortionistá, Hacker Wacker, Pussy Rican, Wakes Me When It’s Over, Turd Burglar, No String Attached, Dr Wang

onafter only – Mary KY & Pussy Whipt


The hashers met up at a local thermopolia (Roman Rudy’s) for good eats and more spirits. In future harlot fashion, Used Rubber kept the male virgins close to her bosom as her sibling E=mc2 kept a watchful eye ..ready to block any cock that got to close to this virgin maiden…”achewbushit!” The Emperors and sacred harriettes rejoiced and celebrated their journey, fondled each other and scratched their royal testicles. Ah what could be better???Another hash of course.

VI. Sin Fin.

“And most recently of all, a "Roman Toga Hash" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here”

Twat Rott. On On.



LONG HASH TRASH 3/21/10                            EPH3 Trash March 21, 2010


(United Colors of BENNETON Hash)

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

Non-Hispanic/Latino Version:

It was a fabulous Sunday for hashing as the group convened in what appeared to be another ghetto-like section of the city. Our beloved non-Hispanic/Latino hashers arrived [on time] to what they believed was a Discovery Channel special documenting the mating habits of brown people. Of course, upon their arrival, they were pleasantly surprised to find that Point A was situated in a well lit and paved location AND with plenty of parking for their under-2-year and insured vehicles. Wakes Me and his lovely bride, Pussy Rican – a bit jet lagged from a recent ski trip to FRANCE, Ms. Ballsy, sporting her authentic designer purse, PW, some other white folks and our visiting hasher, NDFU, who in celebration of the Tarahumara Indians of Mexico (who by the way run with hand made sandals comprised of string and tire parts) wore his very expensive, Vibram Five Fingers running shoes valued at approximately …well let’s just say that one purchase can feed 1/3 of the people of Zimbabwe for a week.

Other non-Hispanic/Latino hashers also arrived in hopes of capturing moving images of brown people commonly referred to as Cholos and Cholas in their natural environment! Sporting their fanny packs and digital cameras, they prepared and probably stretched, for the initiation of the hash. “I can’t wait to take pictures, but should we go ahead and call our relatives to give them our location in case we do not arrive at Point B within the hour?” exclaimed that tall Caucasian virgin, what’s his name? WMWIO also appeared a bit apprehensive - “Don’t worry Peter, we’ll be ok, besides, I’m Puerto Rican and I can communicate with the locals – AND we’ve been in places such as this… remember TR’s and CST wedding? I’m sure their neighbors still remember your courageous act of kindness when you rescued their cat from the roof!”  Ballsy exclaimed, “Speaking of acts of kindness, I tipped our maid Consuelo, an extra $1.25 yesterday! She even yelled out “pinche gringa coda!” – isn’t that fabulous??” The lovely and “not allowed in our pictures ever” Ms. Ditch the Bitch, along with EFU, and Cuntortionistá (who by the way is in an interracial relationship!) also accompanied the group! “You think they’ll let me hold the gun?” asked Puss N Boots. “I so need this picture for my Facebook page!”


The non-Hispanic/Latino hashers proceeded to circle up to take a last count of their runners and for last minute instructions. “Remember the following items,” their newly designated and democratically voted head hasher WMWIO explained:


1.                  Stay together

2.                 Do not stare at the children playing with their front yard abandoned stoves

3.                 Use the buddy system – Blackberry each other if you lose trail

4.                 Support one another – remember, not everyone is a front running bastard – for example you may want to yell out “Piper, we support you! Or “Good job Bridget!”

5.                 Do not talk to individuals who happen to “cruise” by us – even if they resemble Esai Morales

6.                 Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate – I’ll have Evian water from the French Alps for parched runners

7.                 Let’s all meet at Point B and take pictures for our Facebook page and for possible submission to the Discovery Channel

8.                 Make sure our RA doesn’t get lost, because we so desperately need  him at the circle

9.                 Most importantly, have fun!

And then it happened….with a cloud of smog from vehicles that have never seen the inside of an inspection station - the Cholos and Cholas arrived…Like a scene out of the 300 or should I say the “Mexican 300?” – “TONIGHT WE DINE IN LOS WILLOWS!”

Que onda putos and putas??? “Mexican Americans don't like to just get into gang fights, they like flowers and music class=preloadImg>

and white girls named Debbie too. Mexican Americans are named Chata and Chella and Chima and have a son in law named Jeff.”

Chola/o Version:

Aquí estamos …con el“hash”en nuestro barrio. Estimados gringos y los otros gueyes que ni sus mamas saben que son, que onda?! Jus tell us where the cerveza is, holms. Ay ay, mira mira – they dress like us and shit. Wow, no sabia que Macy’s tenia wife beaters, mang. Puro PPP (puro pinche pedo). Pues ok..This is Pan Podrida (La T.R.) talking about like what happened and shit..that Sunday when we ran. I hit up with my home girl, La Maria KY..esa ruca..no mames guey, es un verga parada con pelos! Chingona…never mind that she drives a SAAB and shit – its all good cuz like it was in the divorce papers so órale..besides, she’s gonna pimp it up soon.


Pues her and me and el Cock..ese mango grandote ..mi ruco helped us too. My kid, yeah from another dad – don’t get me startededed…was there ‘cuz shit I mean he knows, you know? La raza gathered at my favorite store, Dillards II. No que no tronabas pistolita? Man it has like designer Polo and Versahit. You just have to be careful taking off the tag cuz they staple it on the clothes - si no se hace tear.  And on Tuesday, take your abuela, cuz you get a discount. Anyways…we met up..jew know, we are ok with the gringos and other colored peeps..cuz they pay and shit. Cept for that chicken man and the other skinny dude..como se llama ese guey? Ah el pinche wang. They kinda look like el gordo y el flaco,no?  El otro gringo y su ruca la Pussy…she’s like our cousin cuz she’s like almost Mexican..Puerto Rico is like Mexico no? Only they eat those big plátanos that are still green. They’re cool and her  ruco buys good beer.

I saw my home girls…la Pinky, la Used Rubber, la pinche como se llama, um um um, oh la new girl just Lorrine and their friend. También estaba el Hacker! I saw that chick with the cool eyes that don’t match..órale EFU..she’s alright – we may have to jump her in though.. Anyways, It looked like a roundup like the ones the El Chuco police department does..I almost got escared…Pues la Maria KY and me took off, you know? Yo se que La Diabla, Pelotas en Mano was saying shit that we were going to get in a car like right after we started. So? Y que? You don’t know what we do…besides, there was like some cholos who offered us a ride and shit and we said ni madre carnal…we wanna walk.

We wanted to makes sure that the hashers didn’t get lost cuz of all that stuff going on across the border. So we tagged it good ..besides, my “cojer” was carrying so no hay pedo. La otra gringa…como se llama..ahhh Slutty helped us and shit. She’s like our “onorarily” Latina..cuz I remember she liked raza guys back in the day when she lived in front of my mom’s house. No shit, eh. We tagged and threw flour. Man if my abuela could see us she’d be like..”que chingados are you doing with the harina? We could make tortillas!” We kept going cuz it was hot and Maria KY was wearing a shitload of makeup and her ears were itching cuz of the 5 carrot gold. So we got to the point B and started drinking. Maria made chile con queso..phuck yeah! And también we had a piñata full of make up and those creams in case the white shicks get dry. We don’t cuz of the spit. She also hooked me up with a 24 oz-er. So we like posed like models - waiting for the hashers to get there. Y luego, we heard whistles..and her they cum. Es tony!

Pobrecita mi carnala Maria KY, she was “uncuntsolabowl” (watcha, a big word) when she didn’t see her niños…but they were ok. I mean, they’re cholitos and shit. Anyways, the cholas didn’t even smear like their make up…is cuz they burn the eyeliner and it sticks to your eyes. Yeah, el pinche Landcum or what’s that make up called…don’t work. You gotta get um um um Wet n Wild from the flea market. Pues, we all got together and took pictures ..even the gringos were cool about posing for our cuetes.  Pinche Hoser started the circle and it was like long again ..but that’s cool. Everybody drank, and sang and we named that smart chick that has gone to school like way after her G.E.D., la Lorrine. We hit la piñata too and la Twinkle Toes got to taste Takis.  Oh oh oh, we also showed our asses and tits to the train guy that drives it. Man that was cool. And then later on El pinche Pony got there with his autobús! It was like being back at the alternative school cept the windows on the bus didn’t have like chicken wire so that was cool man. Pony! estas chingon mi rey! Later on we hooked up at the on-after. That was cool, cuz we hung around and drank beers and took more pictures. So, that’s it. The Gang:

Hares – TR, CS, Maria KY

Named – Eat = my cunt 2wice (E=mc2)

Whistled – Just Marc, Just Brad, Just Jordan, Just Joseph

Voigins – Just Laura, Just Dan, Just Eli

#1 cumming problemo – No Dick 4 U!

Pony & da wheels on da bus go round & round

Hashers – Hose Handler, Ditch the Bitch, Strawberry, Puss In Boots, Heineken Skywalker, Sushi Taco, Beer Battered, Used Rubber, Pussy Whipt, PortaJohn, Bi the Numbers, Balls In Hand, Pink Slit, Wakes Me When It’s Over, Pussy Rican, Hung Daddy Tutu, Groping Barknee, Wang, Clitigation, Just Phoenix, Slutty White Trash, Dogg E. Porn, Cuntortionistá, Hacker Wacker, Clit Eastwood, Clucker Fucker, Worn-Out CockSucker, Eye Fucked Up

And like Zapata says..”IT’S BETTER TO LIVE ON YOUR FEET THAN TO DIE ON YOUR KNEES” – unless you’re a Chola, then being on your knees is ok! ORALE!!! Arriba-Arriba!

Sin Fin. Twat Rott.


EPH3 Trash March 7, 2010

"Let's Clown Around Hash"

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

Holy hell fire shit…so many hashers at the El Paso Marathon – Like Maria KY sez…"Guey to represent, eh?" And a post marathon hash it was. Another beautiful day for a hash – our hares the lovely Ms. Ditch da Bitch and Groping Barney (AKA John Wayne Gasey) started the hash at Jaxon's on Mesa. "Mama…look! Look! It's a truck full of Parisclowns?" Heineken pointing at the baby pumas Goo, String, Just someone, all dressed in black and white. More like the Dead Presidents, no? "No mom, they're `mums' they don't talk." That's my special boy! I wish his teachers could see how creative he really is. Paging Dr. Faggot went all out – if anyone was not afraid of clowns, they are NOW! He reminded of the Rob Zombies, House of 1000's corpses – you know? Captain Spaulding the evil, bearded, fried-chicken-cooking clown! Ewwwww Ewwwww Cucuy (Spanish for I'm damn escared!)

Hares out! During our first hill encounter half of us climb the cacti-ridden hill only to find that we had been tricked! Dose ebil clowns! CHECKBACK!  Close behind I could here what appeared to be porn music. WTF? It seems to be coming from Ditch da Bitches breasts? I mean I know she's a dancer and all, but nipple gnarly notes? YES!, Ditch serenaded the entire pack with her mammory-mobile-music..the men thank you Ditch. So here are half the back up atop of the hill. As for me - What the kick ball a giveth, the hash a taketh away! I'm cured!! My foot don't hurt no mores! Thanks to the over stretching I did while trying to climb Mt. Cactus. :))Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! :))Free at last, free at last Thank all almighty, I'm free at last…So we made our way down – Pink Slit already in full hash, leaving her baby-TARs behind! No reason to fret, Heineken led the young ladies to safety as he guided them over the cacti – `come dis way, step over, now over here." The hounds made their way back to ummmm Point A. I know, I know it's suppose to be short. And who do we see riding up? I'll give you two guesses but you're only gonna need one. Clucker Fucker. Why are we not surprised? The pack headed to their next destination: lost. Heineken and I were eventually trailing the hill climbing pack. From afar, we see da Barney signal us or should I say, "ass."

"I see the Bad Moon Rising…I see hair between the legs..Looks like we're in for nasty viewing..Don't go hash around tonight, well it's bound to take your life…Theeeeeeeeerrrrrre's Barney's moon tonight!"  My God in heaven, Barney, your ASS looks like your front, my Marine brodda! But tanks to you, Heineken and I were able to leave the Red Planet and make our way to the beer check. Did I mention it was suppose to be a short hash?

And on we went, until BI Da Numbers, jumped higher than Cock Shock's knee,  when she discovered that her significant udder – Porta John had missed a check in..Yes ladies and Gentlemen, he missed two markings. Course his excuse is, "I'm zenning – so I don't look down - "don't' follow me cause I'm not really competing- "I just wanna be alone, with myself, and my hand! Toyz, Bi and I headed down Mesa..the pack no where to be seen until I spot Porta. He sprung out of the distance like a drunken prairie dog. BOINK!  Sniffing for trail, but what he caught was a sniff of Twat Rott. Andale! He sprung (no pun intended) into action, picked up his kilt and ran like banshee through the woods. The pack all trickled in soon after that.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Biggest Hash on Earth - Circle Up clowns!" And we did, and there was much rejoicing!  Out of the corner of my eye I spot Eargasm, biting his nails, staring at Just Lucas' broken nose. "Sir Frederick Treves" anxious to break a beer bottle and begin operating. *inner voice* "I can fix you my dear man..you are not an animal..I can, I can." Too bad he was too busy beer bitching.  Our RA, tried to keep the circle under control. A couple of hashers dis'd the circle with their NEW Rubber....course Mr. Cock was forced to Tea Bag his beer for wearing what are now Bi da number's new snow shoes. Just Abby, part of the Virgin Sibling 3, survived her interrogation anxiously waiting for her new name….the group tossed off several names until Porta, yes Porta provided the winning submission: Used Rubber. That evening, according the photos plastered all over the world wide web, her name came in handy!

Hares – Ditch the Bitch & Groping BarKnee

Hashit (and beermeisterin') – Puss In Boots –BESTEST COSTUME

DFL (and forever honorary) – Clucker Fucker (has he paid yet?)

Named (the first of 3 siblings in a row) – Used Rubber (Finger licker now – ask her)

Autohashin' w/ Bumble `B"/Megahasher, Just Amelia & beer – Sushi Taco & Mary KY

The well-washed but unnamed – Just Kevin, Just Jordan, Just Brad, Just Danny, Just Robert, Just Lucas (2 black eyes), Just Lorrine, Just Bryan, Just Amigo, pinche perro naming deferred cause like Strawberry says, "just name him dog"

Pure voiginz - Just Kassie & Just Benita (Pink Slit) – may they stay virgins, k?

Hobbled by various distances – Cock Shock Therapy, Dr Wang, Strawberry Short Dick Forever, Toyz4Twats, Heineken Skywalker, Pussy Whipt- Good job all!

The worst cumming problemos – Dogg E. Porn, Cuntortionistá – Thanks Dogg for helping us out

A little better – Eye Fucked Up, Bi the Numbers

Beer bitchin' – Eargasm

Good lookin' pack – Me, Swallows the Kids, Paging Doctor Faggot, Hose Handler, PortaJohn, Sergeant Goo, No String Attached, Lil Easy

The group met for the on after…I didn't go so I wasn't witness to the crotch smelling, harriette licking, boob grabbing and white boy initiation that APARTENTLY took place. BUTT, I heard it was a blast. So, if you have a half mind, that's all you need. If you have a camera now you have a reputation!!!  ON ON

Sin fin. Twat Rott

PS. In case another version shows up, this is 2.0. I thought I zapped the first one dah!



EPH3 Trash February 28, 2010

"OH HAIL No! "

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

What'd you think of the hash? It was lovely. Great. Wonderful. Fabulous. What'd you think of the hares? They were great! WTF? Our baby hares Sgt. Goo Goo Ga Ga and No String Attached must of fell asleep during Wang's usual ranting on how he's hashed 10000 trails, laid half of them, could sell you a t-shirt and could take any virgin and make him a true hare. "Cum with me (*jaw shaking*) I will teach you the way of the chalk" exclaimed Dr. Wangster. Even wearing his GMPS-(Global Mother Positioning System) wrapped around his ankle did nothing for Baby Goo and his trail. I mean the trail was DEAD. How can you fuck up a dead trail??? You blame the weather…and the ankle…and the chalk…and mom…(why not?).

AY AY these spring chickens (young virgin men and hashers) I mean we've got one missing the hash `cause he's out there picking out Yankee candles to match his manly mauve motive. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, our baby hashboy Officer and a Gentlehand was spotted at no other than Bed, Bath and Beyond sampling AND smelling candles…earlier in the day. Of course he denied his intentions and responded with a "Uh uh, no I was shopping for my mom…she has a cold and can't smell"…Right. Hey OGH, take your hand out, ya gonna go blind! Anyway, the hounds convened at AlbumPark – Eastwood for you purists pussies. The first thing we noticed was our little humper: Just Frankie – shaking like one of Toyz for Twat's catalog buddies? {By the way, don't buy the rabid rabbit toy – I heard the hare attachment leaves the vajayjay screaming for less! Besides, if the vajayjay could talk it would say "SLOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW DOWWWNNNNNNNNNNN" a'right guys?)

Soooooo BOOM!!!! Just Frankie spots Just Lexie…or not? Lord and frijole…it wasn't Lexie..it was Lexie in DRAG!!!!! Ugly shit too…Frankie figured out really quickly that dem balls were bigger than his! Also in attendance was our fashion-diva, master of fabulosity ;;) Cum Bubbles sporting his fresh screened hash shirts…"camisas, playeras, 20 dolla 20 dolla, you got 20 dolla?, I got shirts"  Hey, he's gotta maintain the B.M.W.s no?  Hell we shoulda named his ass (BMW – Bite Me Wang)…Nah I'm just kidding Dr. Wang…don't you start deducting my runs now!!!!! So much for our Women's Right to Hash…trying to keep the woman down!!!!

The day was cloudy and before we knew it …it started to rain! Mama Slutty ready to help his baby puma..packed up the baby and drove off. Wait…did I say the trail was dead? WTF? The Hares took off…what for??? To confuse us MORE???? Right??? Right??? That's how it started. Now mind you…THE TRAIL IS DEAD!  After we circled for around 20 minutes…A little bird told us to head on over to Edgemere with the kickball duo. No trail. Some Trail. What trail? P.W., a B.J. hash deserter, and cum bubbles, proceeded towards Las Cruces or something. No trail. Yes rain. What the hell am I suppose to trash about if I WAS LOST! Eventually we caught up with the rest of the hashers somewhere on Yarbrough to the 3rd beer check. Got beer? No beer, no beer, no beer, no beer, no beer no beer no beeeerrrrrrrr! Yes hail. And why are we not surprised to find Hoser with his Cock in hand leading the pack towards B? Ewwwwww Barney ewwwwwwwwww Barney's gonna get jealous!!!!! We all followed the over pronators to Point B. I NEVER EVER SAW TRAIL AGAIN..till the end. Alas, we made it to - Circle up - yelled our RA. Half outside, half inside the garage. Just Brutus AKA Dicanormous was brought out by his man toys so he can woman-handle the ballsy – lips and all. The hash got out of control half the time – I admit I was chatting with Toyz for Twats about her upcumming lay – Cock Shock complaining `cause he was beer bitch.."How cum, Ballsy was doing the nomination??? Does this mean SHE'LL never be beer bitch? It ain't fair!, I'm gonna kick her ass" Hay vay…wa waaa whaaa…baby shower baby shower. To wrap this up, our hash results:

Hares – No String Attached (voigin lay) & Sergeant Goo (Great TRAIL!!!)

FRB – Just Robert (Quiet as a mouse)

DFL – Mary KY (comadre!)

50th hashed – Pink Slit, Puss In Boots, Clucker Fucker ( Yeah I know, how????) - (*Note Auto cycling or sitting your ass at A does not equate to a numbered hash)

Whistled – Just Robert, Just Lucas

Voigins – Just Brittany (Swallows daughter), Just Bryan, Fuck Me My Ass Hurts pinche perro (boxer), Just Mariola (Eargasm's wife, visiting)

Hash hounds – Just Frankie, Just Amigo, both gotta get named

Cumming problemo - Anal Akbar

Most honored pack, hearty with the weather – Porta, Pussy Whipt, Swallows the Kids, Elmer Pud Phucker, Ball In Hand, Just Paul, Cum Bubble, Lil Easy, Hose Handler, Toyz4Twats, Slutty White Trash, so proud, Just Lorraine, Just Abigail, Dr. Wang & Cocky

The hash decided to on-after at Smokey's! Again. Great beer and barb-q! Hell, if this was the trail, it would have been shitty! Beer was consumed, fingers were licked and orders were taken by Toyz for Twatz! Of course this made the male patrons a bit nervous. I mean how they gonna compete with Gynormous the Dildo? Huh? Huh? Relax gentlemen..it's all in the kegel. Your peepees are fine J Also joining us were nonhashing BJ recruits Hung Daddy and Teacher…:)) "It's the end of the month as we know it…iiiiiiiiiitttttttttt's the end of the month as we know it …and I nnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeddddd hashers!" (Sing along to REM's It's the end of the world as we know it") …SIGH, another glorious day with good friends and good weather..til next Sunday…if you have a half mind..well then, that's all you need!!! And if you have a :o)clown suit then you've got issues! ON ON.

Sin Fin. 

:DTwat Rott.




14 Feb 2010

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

And the torch has been handed down to yours truly - T-Rott.  Bear with me, need to get my creative juices flowing with proper stimulation from my El Paso Hash. For those that offend easily, there's always the other brown meat. Besides Barney found something else do with his hands…can we say "Ring around the ROSY",  nana nana nananananana - during the previous night festivities that also included "Captain Underpants" Elmer Pudd Phucker showing Heineken how to defend himself against caped predators – go figure!

And what a turn out it was! Beautiful Day for V.D. Red Dress Run! 42…count em…42 hashers showed up in full, nut hugging red dresses and one big ass pooch named Just Brutus. Point A looked like a cross between RuPaul's Drag Race and the Bad Girls Club. The lady-lads and the ladies posed for pictures! Our newly appointed RA Hoser started the RED blob of hashers. Our hares Puss in Boots and his guysistant – Wakes Me laid a shitty trail…course, no one reminded Wakes Me not to talk to strangers while in drag - EVEN if they claim a cat is stuck on the roof..

The men adjusted their straps, belts and underwear…and off we went…zigzagging down to Copia.....McKinley, back to Copia. Some of us (brave souls) opted to follow our lead zengod, Porta. "Stop following me, stop following me!" But Ballsy was on him like stench on a bad clam, just in case he was heading in the right direction. And here comes Cabooty, running like a St. Croix Hurricane - `Poof' and she was gone again…those little legs can move! The first beer check was behind Austin High School..covered under what the hares could only describe as "clever." FREAKN CARDBOARD…"Oh nooooo, no one will take our beer…this reminds of the Willows-`sigh." On out - hashing up Altura - Pussy Whipt wiping the sweat off his red headed brow – didn't miss a step. I must say the paparazzi was in full force that day – honking, whistling, shouting out - "Ay guey, mira esa peliroja y ese mango con vestido rojo – El de ROJO, me lo COJO!" Heineken, Hacker and I hashed up Alabama hoping to hit trail somewhere….then in the distance, not far behind us I heard voices…"Damn, my belt is too tight…You know this is my sister's dress, it fits me now! How do I hold up my top?"  I turn to find Sgt. Goo's Clueless Club of Virgins complaining like well, bitches. "C'mon Heineken, I'll let the therapist explain it later"…and we hashed and hashed and paralleled finally getting to the next beer check …all 3 beers and 2 waters. Brutus the ball-bearing Dane ate one of the hashers and drank all the beer. So we wheezed our way up the hill (course  `Marmaduke' escorted his human drag toy towards the walker's trail so his man size paws wouldn't get cut –PUSSY!!! yelled Just Amigo!) And up we went to Clucker's retirement retreat – Casa de Bienvivir! Just Abby stayed close to us until the last leg – sexy dress and all…Heineken of course shot out in front of me and made his way over the hills until the last turn...where he overcompensated and slid down a small hill. There he laid, in luge position, hoping his mother would put her beer down long enough to notice HER SON MISSING....In full hash family tradition – my Cock, Paging Dr. Faggot, Hacker and "Just James" ran to help him. As usual the group made him feel better, including Toyz for Twats who kept lifting her dress to show him HER scratches – Heineken – as frail as he was- lifted his shaky, little hand – to touch her thigh. Tears? Dried. Puberty? Set.

CIRCLE UP! yelled the new RA: Hoser. I don't think anyone was listening though – staring aimlessly at Porta! Pinche Porta – it's all your fault!!!!! The group rejoiced as our new Song Meister –Pussy Whipt led us in old and new songs…by the way PW, you looked marvelous – hair behind the ears, you go girl! Hoser did a great job even though he f*&#!ed up the head song. Dr. Wang led us in our naming of "Just James."  I personally liked "lady gaga" but after careful deliberation AND after Wang, in usual fashion, repeated the list of names including those already "REJECTED" 4 times (yup Ditch counted), Just James is now and will forever be known as EARGASM! If you see him inserting objects into his ear you'll know why…Other items of interest:

FRB – Cock Shock Therapy (Mr. "No I wasn't running on the walker's trail, I have a long stride" – Hey! FEE FI FO FUM, stay off the walker's trail, al'right?)

Hashit – Porta – why are we not surprised?

DFLs – Whoreo n Bi the Numbers

Drunk o' the Month – Pussy Rican (rockin the cape – AKA. Santa Valentina)

100 hashes bandana – Clitigation – Ya-think?, in another 5 years you'll have 100 more!!!

50 patch – Cabooty (1 x 104 weeks of hashing – lost sheets – lost mind = 50 hashes)

Biggest problemo cummers – Face Down & Spread `Em & H2Ho

Other problemos – SomeTimes I Fall For You (STIFFY), MiniMistress, Toyz4Twats

Virgins – Just Abigail, Just Lucas, Just Robert & Just Paul, Just EJ

1st hash w/EPH3 – Likes It In The Eye (Slovakia Hash, one of those –stans Hash)

Dawgs – Sir Licks A Lot, Just Brutus aka Marmaduke (f'n monster), Just Amigo

Honored pack – Yours truly, da "Pink" Pussy Whipt, Strawberry Short Dick Forever (s'berry brownies), Paging Doctor Faggot, Hoser, Sushi Taco, Balls In Hand, My Teacher Made Me Cum, Peter's Out, Mary KY, Pink Slit (rockin the boa), Ditch the Bitch, SCAB, Just Nate (Just Brutus handler & to be named next time), Cocky, Heineken, and Dr. Wang

Congratulations to the new Mismanagement and thanks to last year's team for all of the hard work.  Remember if you have a half mind, get checked then join us again next week.

ON ON - Twat Rott sin fin.


Superbowl Hash 7 Feb 2010

:)) "This is my hash trash song...it isn't very long"

The hash showed up at B,

All waited anxiously,

The game was about to start,

But the hares weren't yet out,

Hoser was sad Barney wasn't there,

Then quickly got happy when he groped a hare,

The wind began to blow,

Making us hash very SLOW,

Porta zenned to the Scenic route,

Ballsy and Cliti laughed at this poor scout,

Ms. Sushi didn't want to run,

But then decided hashing is more fun!

The group went here and there,

Heineken found a leash, a boat and a dead HARE (no really, he did)

Mama was proud of her squirt

At least he's not playing with dirt,

The walkers stayed far behind, losing and finding trail,

Works the Meat using technology without fail,

Food Stamp carrying his environment-killing styrofoam cup,

If PR was there, she'd already fuck him up,

The group arrived at Point B.

Next to a very very OLD RV,

Songs were sung, and beer was consumed,

But the Superbowl game was to start soon,

The group swung low then piled into trucks,

Not caring that Clucker was still running amuck!

Till next week's hash and don't forget to wear red,

Hey, we harriettes may even give...drink it down down down down down down..." :x

On On -

Twat Rott (for Barney)

EPH3 Trash Jan 24th "La Migra Hash"

La Migra! Yikes!! Run Bah-Knee Run!!...OMG they're right behind me....Hmmm? I know who Chased them on me,
must have been Baa Baa attempting to do his Civic duty..."Hey Ewes...yea Ewes wif the Poi-Pul Sweatah on" Where you from?.."Bah-Knee answers as he pulls his Costco Card out" "Amurr-ree-can!"Bah-Knee says, as he's Huffing, and Puffing..."I'm an Amurr-ree-can"...Here's my ID Card...It's my local Costco Card with my picture on it...."Bull-Shit!! Da Migra guys says" Wif got all kinda "Cans" running around Hee-ah...and we're going to catch dem all"...We've got Mes-See-"CANS", Pussy Ree-"CANS"...Wakes-mee-"Cans"...Hoser-"Cans"...and we also got one from way down in the South...Which is really our target...We gots us a "Baa-Baa Lost Shit-CAN...He's a real southerner from the State of Bama, hmmm, or is it same as Mary from Ken-Tuh-Kee (KY)...or maybe Georgia...I don't know.... It's one of dem Dicks-Land places...where if someone screams "Yeee-Haw" all ethnicity better start running; there is a rope close....
Well aside from the "La Migra Convention" being held at Point "A"...which was Pussy Whipt's favorite place, i.e.
Dollar Store, off Mcnutt near Sunland Park Drive...It was surprising that the trail panned out to be challenging,
enjoyable, with an array of Shiggy, and Plenty of tracking thru Poverty Stricken Neighborhoods targeting our sensibilities in appreciating our livelihoods...Hoods is the operative word hee-ah...Still the Hares, Officer & Gentle-Hand, or is it Gentile & his Co-Hare Wakes-Mee-"CAN" for the day...outdid themselves....Well maybe not so much....having realized that most of the splooge was laid while traversing in Wake's Jeep...Dropping a splatter or two, or they cruised along those desert trails...which are the Border Patrols backyard...It was scenic overlooking to the North, the racetrack, parts of the upper valley, and the westside.  To the south...a murder riddened, gang infested, cost-co card lacking country...where the individuals peering over...hoped the guys in green would turn away for a second to help their efforts in traversing the fence...the iron fence...and join us for beer...Such was the "B"s location....and so the unmentionables were called to the Soy-Kul in the following order....FRB - Hacker- Wacker, Hmmm? I thought it was Hoser...The Weekly EPH3 Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award..
was bestowed inclusive of Hamburger Helper, Chips, and everything else that would fit into the Hashit Plunger to our own Herr Dok-Tor Wang-Dang-Doo...DFL - Cum Bubble, who hates his name and refuses to honor it....
Hashing Footsie for 25 Hashes...Mr. Drop a Dime..on a Mes-See-Can...Baa-Baa Lost Shit-Can...Visiting - All Shaft No Head, Hill Country Hash....Cumming problemos - Limp Limb, Toyz4Twats, Hung Daddy, Paging Dr Faggot, Just George, Autohashin, refuses to lay, well at least trail - Sushi Taco....Though he knew both hash time and prelube, refuses to show except for onafters - Clucker Fucker & Mercedes....Prelube only (Go Saints!) - Mary KY
Honored hashers - Pussy Whipt, Strawbeery, Porta, Bi the Numbers, Pussy Rican, Mua da Gropemeister, Hoser-Can, Sir Licks A Lot (hmmm? where is SLAL from, must be Polish) & half the BP agents on duty that day....
An so folks (EPH3) this is Half-Minded, Cost-Co Card Baring....Groping Barney signing off till next week...


EPH3 Trash Jan 10 "WIC" Cheese & Milk
Geez....You'd think it was the line, or gathering at the friendly neighborhood USDA "WIC" storefront giving
away "Milk, and Cheese". It was a somewhat surprising turn-out we had on Sunday...Mann-O-mann...there were
a "Shit-Load of Hashers" aiming to go...Let me repeat that...There were a "Shit-Load of Hashers", and Baa Baa Sheep Shit 2s, Doh!!, I mean Baa Baa Lost Shit...where as soon as he was seen, all remarked "Shit! There goes the neighborhood" ...The Hares also were a little taken amiss...i.e., Ditch-Da-Bitch, and Works da Meat...They figured..."Ah...we don't need to get to excited over this Hash. "Tex-Mex is right arond the Corner, and that's what everybody is kinda waiting for" Soooo we'll just Gaff it, mark a little here, Sploooge a little there ...and make it a quick-n-easy to figure out Jaunt"....Yea Right!...Well the natives were restless...they wanted Trail, A Trail...Wif Shiggy...and plenty of Frosty Beverages... Yep there she was...the BeerMeister,  biting her nails
raw...She was "A Pacing...Pondering...Puss-Seeeee! Rican"...who kept stammering..."Shit!! I hope I have
enough Beer" "Should I go buy some more...Should I go get sum More Beer".... Whaddaya Tink Bah-Knee?
Rican asks da Bahn...."Hmmmm? Fudgem and Feed them Frijoles!" is what I say...We want the Beer to run out...udderwise...nobody we'll want to go home...We'll be in the Soy-Kul till 10pm...The RA will get a horses voice...from screaming...Don't sweat the small stuff Rican...We'll be alright...

Soooo Point "A" was a commonplace for EPH3...It was the Memorial Park Library..off Copia...Usually most often utilized by the ever popular Hose Monstah..whenever he's victim to Haring.....Well finally after Wang finally finished screaming and hollering..."Everyone Sign-In?" "Did Everyone Sign-In?" which ended being quite an accomplishment...considering
the turnout...Hmmm I'd say we had about 563 Hashers out at the Library raring to go...Yea! For Reels! "Chaulk Talk" "All Voi-Gens ober hee-aah....cries Porta the Religious Advisor..and immediately goes into his noimally confusing non-directive rantings"...Okay...Ewes all go dis-away, and if you see this mahk...go dat-away...Got It?
Oh-Kaaaay!!..Of course not surprising...the Trail was a Dead Trail...but still who would've, could've known...It was going to be exciting, thrilling...adventurous...breathing taking as shit...Especially seeing as though the Hose Monstah, and da Bahn were following one of dem Hot Voigens...I tink her name eees "Jizz-lina!"...Oh! Doh!...Nah..it's Just Zelina..dat's right, it's Just Zelina...Like da Whacked Tex-Mex Singer from a few years back...who got done by her most zealous Fan!!  Shit...that's why da Bahn refuses to have Fans... Well anyway we're off to the races..and the trail led up those little hills at Memorial Pahk...Of course right off the mark...nobody was on trail...So we, i.e. Mua, and Hoser...decided to Zen paralleling (Is that how it's spelled)...keeping a close watch on the pack...from the high ground along Piedras, looking down all those cross streets, like Copia, Mckinley, Aurora, Louisville, etc. and so forth, as mostly they were just wondering lost, and occassionally finding trail in Central...Like sum of dem Israel Peeps following a guy named "Moe"...We'd occassionally look back and Twatt Rott..kept following us like a lost puppy not sure if we knew where we were going...and should she catch up and hang wif us...(of course she can't Hang...but surely she could accompany us)... Well anyway we hit on trail...up near Alabama street, Near Beer, and we could see light at the tunnel...mainly the Hares, and AutoHashers....Guess who the FRB was....Ah-Ha...Da Bahn!!
Actually it was both Hoser, and myself...but I hit him in the nose...and stole it from him.   Finally the Pack is right behind us and they are strewing in....Porta- - - Ah-Gen!...SoyKul Up!...It's freaking freezin...Hares nominations for receipt of the Weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award....and the Hares much to Porta Johns surprise..
nominated Porta...Yea!!!...What reason?...Who cares..DFL - another commonplace usual, Strawberry, Yea!...
Naming Cum-Tee-Tee...got together, got it together...and the non-fruits resulted in naming the foi-muh Mike & Kyle, as "Hypno-Dick", and "An Officer and A GentleHand.  It was suggested we omit part of that mouthful & just call the guy 'GentleHand' or 'Gentile'?  Stickered....Mary from Kentucky, aka, Mary KY...who currently is running a series of tutorials on You Tube on how to apply "Chola Makeup"...What a GangBanger...Hmmm? Will she do EPH3?...Cumming problemos - Fudgie Packer, Sergeant Goo, Peach Fuzz, Ms. Demure Whoreo, Li'l Easy, Baa Baa Crossed Wit, Slutty, Teacher (BJH3), Moose Knuckle (back from Kosovo on leave), Itchy-N-Scratchy, Sushi Taco Brand spankin' (literally, take a look at her hashspace page) new El Paso Hasher  - EOD... Voigins - Just Jizz-Lina..aka Just Zelina (currently my fave Voi-Gen until she gets pissed at me), Just David (Peach Fuzz's friend),
Just Carlos (Cabooty), Just George (Cabooty, notice a trend here?), Just James with Pinche Perro Just Amigo, PP Just Franky...  On-Afters only - PW & Clucker Fucker --- The rest of the EPH3 cast - Clitigation, Dr Wang Dang Doo, Bi the Numbers, Piss In Boots, Pink Slit, Hacker Wacker, Peter's Out, Twat Rott, Cocky, Hoser, Takes Me and Run Over, PRican, Sir Licks A Lot, Pony Pumper...
Soooo this is Half-Minded Groping Bar-Knee...signing off till? Geez, I don't know...well after Tex-Mex has passed...
On-On Bah-Knee


EPH3 Trash Dec Jan 3rd..."SLAL Pussy Chaser"
As the Idiom goes....dare was the sense of " A Calm before the Storm" this past Sunday...I imagine the premise is..."Tex-Mex" is just around the corner...and most Hashers are saving their "Wads" (Pause! One thousand one, One thousand two) - - - of Energy, Partying Mode and Money...Still who would've could've guessed dat da Hare, who was utterly a surprise, Sir-Licks-Alot (SLAL), was going to lay, hmmmm, Paw, Paw, an excellent trail.  Well assisted by his proprietors, the ever splendulous PR (P-Rican), and her shagging paht-nuh, Wakes Me When It's Done...proved to be outstanding assistants...Point "A" was at the Pahkeen lot between BlockBuster Video, and Boiguh King da Hamboiguh place off Mesa, near I-10...which is pertinent in the telling of this story....again that "Calm before the Storm" would've, could've been interrupted due to a couple of incidents involving our scheduled "spunky" Hare, SLAL.  Seems dat when all Hashers present were involved in the meet, & greet cock-tail hour before On-Out...SLAL proved to have an affinity for Hamboiguhs, and crudely, I might say, as with all Dawgs (and Hashers) "Pussy"!!.....Well da foist incident noticed was when someone looked over, and SLAL had commandeered the Pick-Up window at Boiguh King holding all hostage...the line for pick-up was long, and paying customers were ready to riot over the hold-up at the Pick-Up window.....SLAL was strategically standing on his hinds, paws on the silvery metal table which extends out of the window, his tongue in tow halfway down to his chest Bah-keen away...as if 
he was demanding a hand-out, preferrably a double meet, wif cheese, pickles and no onions, skip da fries....Soooo Wakes Me gets a nod from P-Rican as she says "Honey...your boy over dare is making a spectacle of himself"....and Wakes shrieks an ear-deafening..."Poncho!!!" (huh? who's Poncho. O yeah, his nerd name)..."Get da Ph---ck away from dare"..SLAL looks over..with one of dem "Ph---ck Ewes" looks..and calmly strolls away...Nose to the ground quickly distracted and onto something poi-haps more interesting....Dan, Dan...All Hell brakes loose...It looked like SLAL (Poncho) got a whif of a recognizable scent for most dawgs (Hashers 2s).  His tail goes straight up in da air..., ears prinning...eyes focused..and he's off chasing...at a guzzilion MPH speed...Bah-Keen...and you could almost hear him say if translated. "Pussy!..Pusssssyyy!!! I'm going to get sum "Pusssy CAT!!!! Ph---ck da Hamboiguh!!...He's all over...P-Rican screaming..."Wakes Me!!" Arrrgghhh! "Do sum-teeengk"...Ruff, Ruff, Ruff...(I got me some Pussy, SLAL Poncho is madly Bah-keen)....Wakes also screaming away....The Cat's eyes are bugged out as he hauls toining dis-away, and toining dat-away...zig-zagging with a refiness evident of all Pussy - - Cat's.  SLAL's teeth are just short of some Gray Fur Tail...Da Cat makes a move hee-ah, and a move dare..
and he shakes SLAL briefly..until...Until...UNTIL...finally Wakes Me corrals SLAL...grabs him by the collar...and shakes Poncho...Hey! Hey...and Poncho Bahks (Barks) back....as if saying "Ewe Pussy Blocker, Ewe"....Whew!! Dare was spilt beer, all over the place, Harriettes all screaming...exhaling...Ooooooh! dat was exciting..Noses flaring....and dat was just Wakes Me....Well, needless to say....another Banshee Scream cums...and Porta da RA...yells Hares-Out!!...and da hole Wakes, PR, and SLAL family whisks away...splooge in the air...and a sense of normality came back to the EPH3 Meet & Greet Cocktail Hour.... One thousand One, One thousand 2s....Chaulk Talk, and finally an On-Out chasing trail for EPH3 stahted da afternoon. 
Well it was an excellent trail...clearly well thought out...marked appropriately...Just long enuff, just shoit enuff...Nice Shiggy involved...Scenic...Perfect Beer Check spot, with a minimal amount of long shots, walker consideration was given...Now who again, would've, could've guessed that Sir Licks Alot (Poncho) was such an outstanding Hare...We was all over the greater Country Club vicinity, Doniphan...some ghetto involved...
and a nice Point "B" located in da Bush, along da biggest Resovoir in El Paso...Soykul UP!!! Porta screams....FRB...? Hmmm was eeet Hacker Wacker, or Porta?  Most would say Hacker was it....Nominations and receipt of the weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award was previous member of EPH3 and now visiting Hasher, "No Dick 4 U".. Da DFL, DFL...Nah...although he did eventually show up...Clucker Fucker was not it, it was Strawberry Short Dick Forever with a renewed vigor for the New Year as he stands in for Jack Shit....Patched for a 69th...da ever rising, stoic..tall...Cock Shock Therapy...who had just driven back 700 miles from Phoenix...after safely delivering Little Shocker back from her visit at EPH3... A naming cum-tee-tee was foimed where the outcome is now forever shall be knowned Just Marty to be "Mary from Kentucky"...Huh?....No, No, No...It's "Mary KY"...don't sweat it Mary...if it ever goes dry, Da Bahn will Slop it Up for Ewes....Problemo Cummers....Limp Limb, ND4U!, Moneyshot Barbie and Toyz4Twats who came back outta nowhere.  A Voigin who is 'Another Doc - Just James.... Shit!! with as many quacks (Physicians) as we now have in our membership, we could have our own makeshift episode of Scrubs....Festivees - Elmer Pud Phucker, Clitigation, Ballsy, Puss In Boots, Da Dollar Store Man Pussy Whipt, My running pot-nuh on Sunday Bi the Numbers, Porta, Pink Slit, Woiks da Meat, Herr Dok-Tor Wang Dang Doo, almost not dare Twat Rott, Heineken Skywalker, and da Vivacious, Hot-to-Trott...Ms Hot Pants...Ditcha-Da-Bitcha,

Aaaaannnnd Soooo folks...this is Half-Minded Bah-Knee signing out till da next family (EPH3) reunion...
On-On...Groping Bar-Knee...


EPH3 Trash Sun Dec 27th "Short and Sweet"
It was a cool, quiet, brisk Sunday...and characteristically evident, judging by the scheduled "Hare", going to be a short, pre-layed, pre-determined, easy to find (given proper intel research, and analysis to detoy-men da "B")  maybe ladened with a shortage of attendees.....considering that El Pisso's Demi-Gods, i.e. "Da Cowboys" were playing...Pssssst! (Spit on floor)...that afternoon... In a Nutshell EPH3, a "Short & Sweet" Hash.  Point "A" was easy to find...which was located in the greater ghetto gangsta ridden side of El Pisso, i.e. Da NorthEast...Hmmm? Doesn't Herr Dok-Tor Wang live on dat side of town?...Oh Yea, his clinic is located in the general area dare-abouts..."Guys-Know-Cows-Logist Center" which often treat Rubenesque Wayward Weemens suffering from a sortie of Rashes.."Yikes!!!".... Okay, well, Point "A" not to far from there, was at Dyer, and Manila streets... Our Hare for the week was the irrefutable  "Works-Da-Meat"... I can only express my deepest emotion by remarking with a enthusiastic "Bada-Bing, Bada-Booom" at the thought of our Hare!! 
Foist on site..was da Bahn..da GropeMeister, Mua...always oily, cause he likes to "C" all arrivals, and eavesdrop on conversations, and gossip...Now shortly thereafter Hose Handler arrived..."Sooo
Hoser?" Yes Bah-Knee...he says..."Whaddaya tink?"...short trail, long trail, Zenning Trail?...Hmmm? I
tinks...a Zenning venture is at hand...and with dat said...EPH3 begins to stream in...Da Hare "Woiks"
shows up with a clear scowl on her face, and promptly accuses Hoser, and Mua da Bahn...of Scouting for Trail..."What Woiks!?" Whattaya Mean? Now dats Libel...We just gots here...burr-lee got out of our vehicles..."Scouting Scoundrels" Woiks again libelously, defamatory I'd say, yet still screams at us 2s...If ewes 2s found trail...U-Butter not tell...or I'll Kill Ewes, If you Hint at the Trail...I'll Kills Ewes...If you even mis-direct the Pack a little - I'll Kills Ewes!!... Okay, Okay!! Alright-All-Ready Woiks...Ruff! Ruff!! Hoser Barks Back...Soooo dares Clitigation, Strawberry, Puss-N-Boots.....Kilted Pussy Whipt, accompanied by another Kilter, Paging Dr Faggot, Herr Dok-Tor Wang was early "Sign In, Sign In!!! a Wang common quip...accompanied by a salutory, "Hey Bar-Knee How-Ya-Doeeng?"...and calmly asks me.."Hey Bah-Knee..is my skin red back here behind the neck? I just left the Clinic...and I stahted itching shortly thereafter"...Oye...Uh? Ugh? Not any redder than ur usual self Wang-Dang-Doo" Says Bah-Knee...Just spray a little Windex on it...and the itch will stop....Bah-Knee says...Let's "C" who else...Ditch-Da-Bitch arrives in her tight! very tight! Sexy Tight!!, Yummy Very Sexy Tight. (exhale, gasp...pondering) Very tight nice tight colorful Tights she was wearing...Uyyyyye! Bi-da-Numbers is dare, Da RA Porta...Pink Slit, Ms. Demure Whoreo.....Wait! Wait!! Do my eyes deceive me...A very long time Problemo Cummer...is at hand...it's nun-udder dan "Cheap-Lay"...Whoa!! Hey Girl, Bah-Knee says it's been a long time...U know...this movie trailer I was watching da udder day kinda reminded me of ewes... it's a remake of "Clash of the Titans" and there was a scene with "Medusa" in it...and ah, and ah...and ah, nevermind..although eeet did kinda did reminded me of ewes....Oh Hi Cabooty....ah excuse me dare "Cheap Lay"...gots to meet and greet..Hey Cabooty, how are ewes, how ya doeeng??? Nice to "C" ewes,  says Bah-Knee...and Cabooty calmly quips...Phuck Ewes Bah-Knee, Eye-Am still mad at ewes...Oooooh! Cabooty...I love eeet when you're nice to me...It's good to "Cs'" ewes 2s...Now put dat middle finger away...I gots da point!!...The Schock-Twatt Familia also arrives, Mr. Tear-A-Piece C-ck Schok gently guiding his newly named cutie goy-lee daughter formerly Just Julia, now known as "Little Shocker"....along...
Chaulk Talk!!!....Cums dat unmistakable Banshee Cry from the RA Porta....On Out!!! and sooooo da
pack goes dis-ah-way, and da pack goes dat-ah-way up Dyer..going Northerly (is dare such a woid, Northerly?)  Sooooo C--ck Shock Tear-Ah-Piece catches up to da Hose Monstah, and da Bahn...and
kinda silently says to us..."Hey ewes Guys, where ya goeengk?"....Hoser answers "Eye tinks da trail probably is going dis-ah-away towards da old Girls Scout Camp Site..Up nears Sue Young Pahk"...Well can ewes guys do me a favor....Little Shocker says she wants to Zen...and wants to dis-ah-way...Let's help her out..
Huh? Huh? Guys!! C-mon....Soooo Little Shocker led the Way...all da way up to and along the Rushing, backstreet routes, to and from the greater ghetto gangsta ridden side of El Pisso... Till to our amazement after a short shiggy run inside mesquites ridden desert we hears On-In Da "B", Point "B" dat eeees!!!
Soykul UP EPH3!!!...and sooo immediately the blood thoisty pack stahts to soy-kul.....INNOCENT!! Eye'm Innocent!....Innocent Eye tells ewes!!...."Bah-Knee for HASHIT...Somebody get a Rope!!! "Wait! Wait!! says Bah-Knee.... Pah-Leese...No, No!! I have a family (Ugh? what family?)...I have plants at home that need care...I haven't finished my Hair Plug Treatments - Pah-Leeese!..."Phuck-Eeem" say all Hashers...And so the Hare - "Works-Da-Meat" imparted the Weekly Flying Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award to the GropeMeister...the reason for Hashit...Cause Bah-Knee called the Hare "Pinche Hare"...Bah-Knee broke all the rules - He mispoke of the Hare, and he used a Spanish Woid; Blasphemy!...He'll smoke a turd in Hash Hell....For not speeking englishee.. FRB?...what? no way?...Porta Ah-Gen...or was it Hacker Wacker??
DFL, DFL, DLF!!! Shitty Speller...Elmuh PudPhucker, or is it PhudPucker..."I don't know!!"..... New Shoez...Rash Ridden Her Dok-Tor Wang, Demure Whoreo, and guess who Ah-Gen is in the Soy-Kul? Bah-Knee for nu-shoez-2s....Oye-Vey...Autohashin - CheapLay hanging with the Pinche Hare....Voi-Gens...Just Karl, calls Cabooty mama + that guy she picked up the week before at the Steelers game in the beer joint, was it Just George?  Just George, I don't know....dats what the sign-in said.....Whistled - Just Carlos & Kenya Spank M'Monkey?  Cumming problemos - Strawberry Short Dick Forever, CheapLay, Ballsy
Kwanzaa celebrees - Bi the Numbers, Paging Doctor Faggot in kilt, Pussy, Whipt too, Hoser, Puss Boots & J, Clitigation, Pink Slit, Elmer Pud(second 'd' is superfluous) Phucker, Pony Pumper with Pinche Perro "Don't Taze Me Bro!, Da best Mudder in da Woild - Twat Rott and (dat little shit can run)  Heineken Skywalker, of Course Little Shocker,  HOT!!!Ditch the Bitch in those Tights...Yummy!! OMG!!
Abee-dee, Abee-deee - - Dat's all Folks...Here's looking at ewes all Half-Minds to a Great Nu-Year cumming..
Hopefully will "Cs" ewes dare....
This is Groping Bah-Knee signing off....till next time... On-On !!!!

EPH3 Trash! Dec 20th "Twas the Hash B-4 Christmas!!"
Twas the Hash before Christmas...and all thru El Pisso...
Not a creature was stirring, mostly you'd just hear Whistles...
The Stockings were hung at Problemo Cummers homes,
While Hashers came to Hash wearing their own. 
The RA, Porta John wore his with care,
and Hoser Handler dressed as St. Nicholas would soon be at Point "A" - There!!
The Children mostly Rug Rats whose parents were EPH-3rs',
were nestled and dressed in two or three Layers...
While visions of receiving their first 25 Hash Patch,
Hasher moms push them as FRBs to try to Hare Snatch!!
At the Point "B" during the Chistmas Light Gathering,
the RA shrieks, On-In!!, above all the heavy Chattering.
All were Happy, Joyful, enjoying Christmas Lights and Cheer,
but along the way, something had been brewing with a Sneer.
Seems Baa Baa Lost Shit doesn't appreciate Bah-Knee's Trash,
and wants to beat the shit out of Bah-Knee at the Hash
Anyway...all EPH3rs kept singing Christmas Carols, and moved on with a Flash
To the next Christmas Lights Home, it was still a Holiday Hash...
"Hmmmm? Beer Bitch" Bah-Knee says "Gimme a Beer!!" 
This is not going to ruin my EPH3 Jeer, or Holiday Hashing Cheer...
When out on a Christmas Light Home's lawn there arose such a Clatter...
Apparently the Cider Rum got the Best of Wakes Me...all asked, "What's the Matter?"
When, what to da Bahn's wondering eyes should appear...in my face was another Beer
The Hares...Pussy Rican, Cabooty, Clitigation, and Ditch screamed..
Bah-Knee you should've, Could've dressed up as a Reindeer....
I could've, would've followed the Hoser dressed as St. Nick...
As he chased most of the Harriettes so lively and quick...
And he whistled, and shouted and called them by Name....
Now Harriettes, Hashers just the Same!!!
Now Whoreo, Now Pink Slip, Now Toys-4-Twats, Come-On...Twatt for Rott!
On Ditch, Clit, and Sushi...hurry up...move that Pucheee...
Pony Pumper a St. Nick wannabee, Dr. Wang brought some cheer, Cider Rum..
Which made Wakes Me Up-Chuck...and thus was a little Glum...
Finally da Hash ended at "B"...and a Soykul was called and also a Naming Cum-Tee-Tee
and these are the Highlights of a Hash Weekend filled with Cheer and Glee...
Hashit...Puchee Sushi...Named -Just Julia is now "Little Shocker"
Elmuh Phudpucker got 69ined with a Patch...
and although pre-layed there will still some Zenners in the Hash....
Sunday was about the same joyful event as Friday...
except the difference was a Potluck with a small Suaray 
EPH3 thanks all involved during the Christmas Holiday....
Bi the Numbers, Heineken Skywalker, Pink Slit, Puss In Boots, PW, Rwat Rott, Cock Shock Therapy, Whoreo, Ponus Pumptus, Diggs Cock, Just Marty, Worn-Out
CockSucker w/Pinche Perro Just Sebastian, Woiks da Meat, Hoser, and good ol'
Dok Wang
This is Half-Minded Bah-Knee wishing everyone a Merry Christmas,
God Bless, and I apoligize if I hurt in anyway, or made you feel small..
I really truly very much LOVE you All!!!
Groping Bar-Knee....Da Bahn....till next Week!!!



"Notes From the Weak"  July/Aug 2009 by Herr Doktor Wang Dang Doodle

Howdy campers.  As BarKnee has abdicated his hash trash responsibilities while doing undercover work in DC; you know, CIA, NSA bunker recon.  As we've had an eventful week, and as I have been assured by the Gropemeister that his wonderfully droll trash will return to this same bat station in the cumming week, a summary from one hasher's perspective.

Kicked it off with a lightly attended prelube for the 30pack Marathon last Friday.  Hellions of Odessa (Ass Me If I'm Horny, Pecker Nipples & Just TJ, who thought they were gonna do it relay-style), Bloody Z, 30pack ringer & Kimchi, now hashing in JAX (Jacksonville is gay, hey!), Wrong Hole and the then Just Max from Phoenix in attendance.  One could feel the energy building toward the main event.

Which started only a bit late, between 4:15 and 4:30.  38 participants, lotsa fans, support crews and gawkers.  We all got used to seein' Z's backside, as he was gonna reproduce his winning performance from the 1st 30pk last year in Tucson, in less than 7 hours. 

Stealthily, with a great deal of panache, Hacker Wacker made his semiannual appearance count, reeling off his stages of the circuit, quaffing his down-downs, to becum a hash daddy on the day.  All 29 laps, all 30 beers, all within 10 hours.  Full marathon distance, about 20 quarts of beer.  Insert expletive here.

Boobalicious was the 1st woman ever to complete the distance, but her timing was off, having started late.  She was victimized by our arbitrary public establishment serving limit of 2am.  5 beers short.

Wrong Hole's son, then known as Just Max, was another surprise, finishing in time, but 2 beers short.  Why?  Still have no idea why anyone would complete this idiotic thing and not drink the last 2 beers.  Oh, well.

The resuvus sustained various injuries, maladies, and misfortunes on trail.  The rundown, pun intended:

Just Jose, some wacky SmHasher that Hung Daddy chased up in Austin or sumpthin', well done (literally) with 24 laps, still mumbling and limping at the hash on Sunday.

Yours wangly, we'll get to that later.  Masterful performance.

Wakes Me When It's Over took some kinda tumble, broken wrist, broken finger or thumb, none of the above, but the hand remained elevated on Sunday.  He dipped in for a little IV action in the mornin' and later in the week was hospitalized with the crud flu.

The Hellions decided to go for the gusto and perform individually rather than as a relay, and Ass Me delivered with well over a half a marathon, twisted ankle.  Pecker Nipples, competent at 16 laps, was termed by Slutty to have been `way out there'.  Just TJ's first hashing experience was this travel hash, good start.

Over the hump, over half marathoners, Porta, who looked relatively unscathed, but also cums down with the crud flu later in the week.  Sharing a delicious beverage container with Wakes?  Hmm…  Hoser, who was coaching Just Max with a wisdom that many years on trail brings, was well turned out in his hunting kilt.

Yo Mamma was chasing Z, and even leading for awhile I think, but was losing cookies all over the place.  Wakes, PR and Diggs Cock accompanied him on his 3 last laps.  Teacher bein' Teacher.  Happily, he kept his anus outta my face.

Ditch Sucker (3 blisters), Cabooty, Puss In Boots and Pussy Whipt, with compliant corner girl Just Marty, all seemed to suffer only permanent mental damage.

The smartest and most highly evolved hashers set a target for themselves, say a half, or a few fun laps, and were happy, had much more fun, and for the most part departed unscathed.  Diggs Cock and Pussy Rican did the heavy lifting to prepare for the event, and should have the eternal gratitude of all.  Bi the Numbers, who got Ditch the Bitch out for a lap, Under Erection, Cock Shock Therapy, Twat Rott, Pink Slit, Eye Fucked Up (to who's house I was to be dispatched, but DC totally forgot me bleeding in a chair), and this newish BJ Fuck Me, My Ass Hurts (2 full heel blisters), all will have but a few mental scars.

I have a special spot in my heart for the underachievers, real party people slackers.  When I cum across them I think of G.  Sergeant Goo and frequent TexMexer Wrong Hole tied for fewest laps with 2, and trying to suss out which of them had the slowest lap is beyond me.  Butt Darts was right in there with 3 laps, but those two bested him.

Cockeye came late (is there any sucha thing ladies?) too, but did some honourable work joining Boobalicious on her final 10 laps.

Condoments, Thin Red Line, SCAB and the aforementioned Just Marty really helped out timing spillage counting counting counting beers beers beers and the Wheel of Hash Misfortune, with event customized punishment by the Wakes Ricans.

Other things I noticed before the fog rolled in – some dude in a red dress and a striped fur hat, this fast goofy Latter Day Saint named Just Dave in a big sombrero, another fast virgin Just Angela, who banged a buncha laps before having to get home to relieve the babysitter, virgins in chaps & bandoleers…Slutty and Phantom Bitch providing immoral support, and the current popular apreœ crew U Suck My Cock, wifey Peggy Bundy & my-mother-in-law-lives-with-us.

Fast forward to the next day, as I did.

When the first words that multiple hashers greet you with the day after are `Boy, you're lucky you didn't break your nose and your teeth out', you know you had a good time.  Seems the rumor was that I had busted my grille, and hashers were genuinely disappointed that this was not the case.  And only 14 scabs after shaking, rattling and rolling.

But we were assembled for a more important task than assaying my injuries, so we were off on a tour of campus layed by Pussy Whipt and Ditch Sucker, neither of whom looked the worse for wear.  Pink Slit had that just-out-of-bed-and-who-did-I-sleep-with kinda tousled hangover look, which was pretty typical of the turdypackers.  This was, in fact the slowest hash I have ever been a part of.  Dub it `The Slowest Hash in the West'.

I mean, everybody was moseying, except Hung Daddy, who skipped the 30pk, and Teacher, who is a glutton for punishment.  How slow was it?  Wait for it…

It was so slow that Groping BarKnee (daily double – hashit awardee, too) was the actual FRB, only aced by slow-ass Hoser's competitive nature.  It was so slow that Clucker Fucker was not DFL, but a very respectable midpack.  It was so slow that Condoments and a still bilious Yo Mamma shadowed us autohashing all over campus.  I mean it was sloooowww.

Visiting hasher – Wrong Hole, Phoenix

And we adopted her son, Just Max, and in honor & off her of his spirited performance, coached by the Hose Monster, though he was 2 short (beers, that is) in 30pk2, we up & named him Butt Puppy, for that wrong hole.  He's off to some ghastly place with the Marines.

And we up & named Just Dave, Paging Doctor Faggot, after the favorite line from the previous week's movie nite.  This is where DW pitched the hissy fit.  Praise Twat Rott for pickin' up after me.  All the rugly references were for naught.

And then our finest achievement on the day (except for those 30pack circuits conquered from midnight till 2am)!  The Triple Crown, the Triple Witching, the Cunt-Fuckta!  Within the space of one month, we, as a hash, have spawned 3, count `em, three Cunts.  First was Cunt'sWayLow, then Cuntortionistá, and now (drum roll, please) Cuntstellation.  The former Just Cailyn had this name bestowed upon her for questionable body ink choices, but I'll always call her Peg.

It will truly go down in El Paso hashtory as the Month of the Cunt, CuntMont, maybe.

Untrue voigin, who's hashed before in Lincoln, and made himself cum, Just Kyle.

Not as virtuous as they once were – Just Cookie, Just Cari and Just Jose, who kicked some ass in the 30pack.

Hurtin' turkeys and lazy bums – Clitigation, U Suck My Cock, Pink Slit, Twat Rott, Cock Shock Therapy, Hoser, Bi the Numbers, PortaJohn, Wakes, My Teacher Made Me Cum!, Hung Daddy Tutu, Clucker Fucker & your humble servant.

And Hoser was soooo drunk.  How drunk was he, you might ask?  He was soooo drunk…wait for it…

That he tried to dump the Drunk of the Month on me, but his addled brain miscalculated the date, and the pack unanimously reawarded the prize to him for the month of August.  Well played, Hoser.

We took every subsequent day off from hashing until Friday, when Pussy Whipt was up again with a Founders Day bash in honor of G's birthday, with obscure G & hash trivia to keep the crowd on its toes.

The usual suspects – Twat & Cocky, Balls (awarded 69th hash patch) & Elmer, Slutty & Goo, Puss In Cabooty, special guest star Strawberry Short Dick Forever, special appearance by the happy couple H2Ho & Face Down, Just Kyle warmin' up to the El Paso Hash, Ditch Sucker, Diggs Cock & his voigin Just Julie, coupla other virgins & my wangliness.

Notable nonappearances, Porta & BdN, Pussy (See ya later, honey) Rican was flyin' solo & lovin' it, Ditch the Bitch (lite days) and Hoser.  What's wrong old man, can't keep up the pace?  Or are ya chasin' tail in Tucson?

Beer beer, drink drink, eat some, G trivia, vibrators, sing a lot, drink drink beer beer trail circle swingit.  You know the drill.

Just one week in our hash.  Sheesh.  Excuse my length, I know it hurts, but enjoy my girth.


EPH3 Commentary for Sunday July 6th…  the “AA Hash” (Array of Aromas) 

A foreboding aromatic scent of a stale pungent ammoniated by-product, originating from
"I care not to mention" from varied dark downtown alleys…..which often was where da pack was led into mahked by quickly fading splooge…This almost being a Hashers worst shiggy nightmare.  I'd say it was up there with Resevoirs and no Cheetos at a Soy-Kul.….. No…No!...A Hasher’s worst nightmare…is to cum upon trail leading to a Beer Chek…only to realize that sum blasphemous Civilian Hog…stole the Beer Chek… and so the pack moves on…into another “Phew” alley…“Hoser?”..”Yikes, cries out Bah-Knee”..What is that smell…”Bah-knee” Hoser steps into his lecture mode, minus da Soap-Box”…..Haven’t you ever eaten them pickled eggs, and pig’s feet often found in one of dem piss-on-da-wall Bars in Central and than cut the cheese soon there-after.  ”Cut da Cheese?” “Cut-da-Cheese?”…You mean Fart..right? Fart?...whew, phew!...Ok Bar-Knee stop eeet…don’t you dare end up making this Hash-Trash topic around Fart jokes..It was just a metaphor I was using….says Hoser...Most of these characters you see peering out & around these alleys…Like perhaps those three stooges over dare “Curly, Larry, & Paco” were raised around dem Piss-on-da-wall Bars probably grew up in dem..and now have scented, et.al alleys with dare aromatic scent…of pickled whatever…Hoser? What Bah-Knee?...Let’s get out of dis alley…Ok Bah-knee I’m right wif-ewes…On-On…


Well da Hares…Mr. LIITA (proud sponsor of now named “Likes-it-in-the-Caboose (LIITC), and visiting

voi-gen friend of LITTC, Just Mike), along wif Co-Hare “Clitigation, Oh Clitigation what’s ur Motivation” managed to weather (which was good)..the fact dat the Beer Chek was stolen…and an array of “Phew Alleys”.  It was a multi-event Hash…EPH3 managed to find Point “A” in the labyrinth of city streets often closed, and speckled with detours… was at or near the downtown Greyhound bus-stop, behind El Museo, and Historic Plaza Tee-ah-Tro…Still a good turn-out was on hand..ready, willing…& well supplied wif frosty beverages…frantically waiting for Hares Out, and a On-On, to get on wif the enriching smells, scents, and Array of Aromas.   Forth-cumming…Shoot! And that’s just a few of our Harriettes, trail was promising to be butter…on the road….Everybody, minus  a few, was dare…Voi-Gens up the Yahoo Tooo!...Just Mitch, Just Tricia, Just Jonathan,  and of course Just Mike … Now new Voi-Gen “Just Mike” sponsored by LIITC, was on hand Sunday not necessarily to run, Why? we might ask, cause as we continually hoid from him, he had “bad ankles”, but rather, I would suspect, to keep an eye on Caboose…”Now Mike?” Da Bahn asks….”Just how long have you been dating Ms.Likes It in the Caboose?” - ….(So he answers in this high pitch “Mike Tyson” voice)…meanwhile Da Bahn…is trying not to shit his pants wif laf-tuh...trying to hold it in...after hearing Just Mike esplane himself..”Well...Let me see” says Just Mike…”oh, about forever”…”and he adds, “Ah!..Mr. Barr-Neee, I can’t run you know” “I’m hurt” “I have bad ankles”…Ah-huh...Hmmm? Ok Just Mike…No problem, you don’t have to run…Soooo Mike…what do you do for a living?…He ah-gen, answers in his Mike Tyson voice  “Ah? I work…You know I can’t run…I can’t run…because I have a bad ankle”….Just Mike…Listen, says da Bahn, You don’t have to run…now enuff about you freaking, fracking, “Pinche” ankles…Mann-O-Mann…and Ur “Da Dude Dat Does Da Caboose”…Hijola Bato, Que Pues…Well, anyway…Hares Out!! Shouts Porta…3, 2, 1…Walking…Running and we’re off….Dis-A-Way, and Dat-A-Way….Up Mills, Down Mesa, Up Oregon, down to Paisano…along Paisano…Alleys hee-ah, Alley’s dare…”Ali-Alee, Ali-A-La, Ali-ah-Baba”…to Overland, to County Jail…where we witness da weekly Air Writing Competition…by wayward goyle-friends, and wifes of incarcerated Dude-Meisters…Yikes…and no telling what dare in dare for….On-On…Well after about an hour or so..of finding trail…and our sinuses totally demolished…Beeer Neeeer! Came da Cry…FRB…Hmmm..I thought eeet was Porta...or Miss Hair..”Balls-in-Hand”…Nah! Eeet was “Wake Me ---“ who gave us the finger as we all approached da “B”..cumming-eeen.  DFL…shoot, I don’t know…maybe won of the walkers… Slowly da eventual pack came in “Bi-da-Numbers, Porta, Fidel Assblow, Pubic Nightmare, Pussy Rican, Quantum-Queerie, Corky minus da Price, Elmer Pud wif his Balls a Boining...(Says he was chafed cause he freed Weeely)…and my poy-sun-nal friend C-Alice….Twatt-Rott…and her new found friend wif size 12 feets…”Go Figure, huh?” Just Joe…Joe da Big Guy…which I might add is a foy-mah “JarHead” Oooorah!....”SOYKUL UP!!!” shouts…Our illustrious Religious Advisor Porta…EPH3, Hares…after having received nominations…who is going to be the recipient of the “Weekly Flying Fickle Finger of Fate, and Hashit Award” dis week…..”Bah-Knee!!!!” …What? What? Mua…What For? What did I dooo?...For not bringing cups for the Bee-Aaah Bitch…Now dat’s Cheesy..says da Bah-Knee…Shoot the Hares lost the Beer-Chek…Our sinuses are shot…
And I get the Hashit for no cups…Mann-O-Mann…Pinche Hashers, says Bah-Knee…Okay…Okay….Chug-a-Lug….and da festivities proceeded with a Buzzed Bah-Knee on Hand...until Swing-Low was sung…Thereafter…it was on where pots of EPH3 proceeded to a kick-ass On-After in Honor of departing Hand-Job-Daly, for her last Hash with the EPH3…Shooot…never got a chance to hit…dat half-mind...split-tail, Haly, Daly, Schmaly, whatever…Which is probably all I would’ve ever needed, Just a Half-Mind…to Hash wif the EPH3…& Daly....


This is Bah-Knee signing off till next week…On-On